fifteen

a little lonely.

i was just sitting in the Avante building, eating my single serving of clam chowder soup and listening to my music when "Fix you" by Coldplay came on.
It was a sad moment.
One of those moments where you wish someone was sitting next to you, eating a single serving of clam chowder soup. or maybe sharing yours.

I don't get lonely very often. Hardly ever. Usually I don't mind being by myself, and sometimes I prefer it.
It got better then. The woman who works at the cafeteria in the Avante building walked by, and I noticed she was wearing Coach shoes, and she was talking about how she really wanted a Coach purse for Christmas.
Earlier she had given me a free spoon. I like her.

I saw The Hudson Branch last night. They were really good, but maybe that was also because they were a nice indie sound sandwiched between two crazy screamer bands. It was quitequite refreshing. It was good to see friends there, too.

My last final is in a few hours, so I should go and run over that material. I'll miss that class too, as I am definitely missing my ASL 2 class that ended this morning. All my good classes end on the same day, dang it. Oh well, it ends the semester on a good note. I also have applesauce today [single serving as well], so there are good notes all around. I really love applesauce.

-christina

fourteen

I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.
-George Eliot

This night is so much more lovely because of the fact that in one week this will be my last day at Harper College for this semester. I will miss a few things, I'm nerdy enough to admit that. I will miss this studious atmosphere. I will miss ASL 2. I will miss Hannah making me yummy sandwiches and our quick chats. Aaaannnddd, that about covers it for the moment. I am very much looking forward to sleep and nonstop jetman. =]

I was lucky enough to be awake and driving this morning, to be able to see the glory of ice-covered trees, with a soft pink sky just illuminating the branches. I hope you saw it. And tonight too, I love the shape of the moon tonight, that tiny crescent. You know how people ask you what color you would be, what flower, what tree? If I was a shape, I would be a crescent like the moon tonight.

I'm proud to say that I have kept up working out for the past few weeks. Look out.

For the moment, that is just about it. Just about...

-Christina

thirteen

thespacebarisbroken...

the.space.bar.is.broken.
well.this.is.rotten.luck.
i'll/work/with/it.

bought.a.new.hat.
so.freaking.awesome!
think:woodsman-meets-russian-maffia.

i-see-all-these-folks-around-harper-who-smoke.
iwouldhatetosmokeinthewinter.
it's/sodang/cold.
and-when-youneed-a-smoke
then.you.need.one.
evenif/it's/freezing.
this/one/girl/was
jumpingupanddown
vigorously
to.stay.warm
and smoke.
^youseethat^
the/space/worked/once!

finals-are-reallyreally-crazy.
ihad-a-theater-presentation-today.
ihatepublicspeaking.
somuch.
anyhow,i-spoke-for-8minutes-when-i-should-have-stopped-at-5.
ijust/had/alot/to/say.
iblushed.
somuch.

"there'sanairplaneinthesky..."

i.love.music.

signed/up/for/classes/for/next/semester.
it/shouldbe/reallygood.
soexcited/for/danceclasses.
two!
.i'llbeinstellarshape.
but.that's.what.ialways.say.
i/guess/this/time/i/willhavetobe.
i'm/getting/graded/on/myperformance.

crappykeyboard.the.right.arrow.isbroken.too.

"somuchforloveiguess...."
"i'm.gonna.drive.through.the.hills.putmyhand.outthewindow.andsing.till.i.run.outof.words."

guitartabs=verycomplicated.
granted.i-don't-know-how-to-play.
but-i-figured-i-could-just-checkout-some-tabs-and-be-able-to-pick-out-something.
no.

haha.this.isfunny.toreadover.
randomstops.
andrushes.
anyhow.
ishouldgostudy.for.finals.
you.should.countthecolors.

-christina

twelve

i wore my hippie hat today, so now my head itches violently.

i just got out of art class about 9 hours early. we didn't have class last week, and this week my art professor comes in and tells us it's because his mother died. he was so broken up, it was so sad. and then he is also sick because of all the stress of the burial, so we didn't have much of a class today, and we aren't having class next week. he's giving us full credit for the final and for the two quizzes we didn't have. it's all very bittersweet. i'd like to feel some joy out of no classes, but every time i do i feel immense guilt, like i'm thanking God that his mother died.

i've been thinking about england lately.
my heart is still in ireland, mind you.
but with all of this literature that i've been reading and the lives i am learning about, england is sounding fairly fascinating as well.
i just think england should be moved up a little higher on my list of places to visit.
plus, i love the young boys choirs. it gives me such chills. more than any other choir, almost, i think.
so... that's another reason.
they are really just stacking up, the reasons are.
here's another:
i speak English.
so... no language barrier there.

"Have you seen my love" by Rosie Thomas is really quitequite lovely.

anyhow, i have crackers and cheese to eat, matters to attend to.
i wonder what motivates you?

-christina

eleven

it's raining out. Harper is much emptier than a normal wednesday at 12:10. A lot of people must be gone for Thanksgiving, everyone in the world except for my teachers.

things i am discovering:
sometimes i don't mind sleeping with socks on.
mustard is good.
everyone discusses/relates to the idea of human connection.

that last one? it's really beginning to blow my mind.
for years my dad has taught me that as humans we have a knowledge of God without ever being taught about him, simply because we have an unexplained desire to connect that is never filled with anything here on earth.
interestingly enough, harper classes are subconciously teaching this same exact thing, or at least showing how it is evident from hundreds of years ago until today.
in theatre class we were discussing playwrights, and how the most common theme was the fundamental human question. how do we connect with each other?
in art class the teacher was discussing how in art we see loneliness and love combined, we are never full with one person. the more we are with them, the more we are aware that we will never know them and they will never know us. we will never know perfect completeness, and yet we still strive.
in literature, so many writers discussed this same fundamental human question. our connections. how do we connect? how do we fill this longing?
all of this was coming together at the same time, and i was almost surprised to see how obvious throughout history and today that we feel the need to connect, to share. movies, song lyrics. how is life worth living without someone to spend it with? i just saw Cabaret at Harper [i wouldn't recommend it] and that was one of the lines. The German/Jew man said to his love something like "I want to be with you. For what is life if you have none to live it with?"
And yet no one is asking the question why? Why are we filled with this longing, throughout history, today?

so that's been on my mind a bit.

-christina

ten

this might be just a half a post, but i'll call it ten anyhow.

2 quick thoughts:

1. heard on the radio about Christmas gift giving. a woman was complaining that her husband always got her kitchen gadgets and never diamonds.
after some serious thinking, i'm pretty sure i'd take a kitchen gadget over diamonds any day.
i just... really dislike diamonds. engagement rings are one thing, but random diamond earrings and diamond drop necklaces... there are a lot more creative things you could get.
like cookie sheets. measuring cups. juicer. this is not sarcasm, mind you.

2. Read this for homework today. it made me laugh.
"Take a woman's head, stuff it with a smattering of philosophy and literature chopped small, and with false notions of society baked hard, let it hang over a desk a few hours every day, and serve up hot in feeble English, when not required."
George Eliot on women novelists...

Alright then. Back to homework. I hope you are having a lovely day.

-Christina

nine

long days and nights.
tonight you can paint me melancholy, i think.
just kidding, i just checked that on dictionary.com
"a gloomy state of mind"

so. not gloomy.
the more i turn it over in my mind,
i find really dislike that word.
nothing near gloomy.
but not an antonym of either.
somewhere in the middle.
somewhere around tired.
weary. weary of mind.

i worry for you.
too much.
"you" encompasses more than just you, in fact.
"you" is a lot.
in fact, there's probably a lot of you who would never think that you would be part of that group.
but i can't help it.
i see you.
i worry for you.

working sound for the show is interesting.
there's a lot that i see and hear.
at times, amusing.
often, encouraging.
other times, disappointing.
so many wonderful people

[blindblindblind.
but aren't we all?
those things...]

my feet are cold.
i need to regain some hope.
honesty: sometimes i really let things get to me.
so. i shall try to not let things get to me.
finals are coming up soon, unbelievably soon.
projects start just around the corner.
can you believe it?
things have flown by.

i feel a lot steadier, after this semester, of what i want to pursue.
slowly, i'm feeling more sure of my footing.
it's fantastic!

how are you?

-christina