one hundred. twenty one.

it's a friday night.

i am 21.

my plans are:

run

do taxes with my mom and brother

crochet

read my book

maybe watch a movie

what a lamewad.

one hundred. twenty.

worked at the restaurant today.

i love this weather and how

all the business people near my work take their lunch breaks

to walk around, down the street

their nice pants & blazers flapping in the breeze.

they look a little out of place

walking around in clean, pressed work clothes

in dirty streets,

patterned ties not staying but flying up in mens faces.

ladies tugging fitted pencil skirts down.

when they arrive to eat lunch at the restaurant

& come to place their order

i notice that those tight-lipped accountants & worried assistants

have smoothed the lines on their foreheads,

managing a brief smile.

Running has been going pretty well.

Every time i bring up running to a friend their response is something along the lines of

"Running is simple, i am amazing and could run for 72 hours straight without stopping."

This makes me question my entire life.

I honestly had no idea running could be so easy for some people because for me it's really just super challenging. & always has been. I used to be fast when I was younger, but then we only had about 4 neighbors in Wisconsin to compare to. Now it's honestly just mind blowing when I think of average, everyday friends being able to run lengthy distance or extremely fast times. It's as if they are telling me they are capable of time travel or something.

Even some old guy who is a customer at work told me he runs a 10k pretty regularly. And he is OLD.

Speaking of time travel, I recently watched The Time Travelers Wife, which also made me question my life.

Not seriously, but that movie was just so sad. I thought it was going to be terrible, like the first chapter or so of the book that I struggled through before I gave up. But not at all. Firstly, I am a fan of that actress [Rachel something?]. Secondly, I just experienced many heart-wrenching moments while watching. Also, I was strangely elated to hear the voice of the fellow when he called after the movie was over, because I knew we were both stationed quite firmly in time & not liable to suddenly relocate to forty years in the future.

Another life evaluation topic would be how I am reading "Crazy Love" and enjoying it much more than I ever thought I would & how it's making me think a lot about how I spend my time, where I put my money and how I treat my family/friends/everyday people I come in contact with. Read it so that we can talk about it & you can tell me what you think.

It's late. I need to run tomorrow before I visit a book sale with my sister, so I need to get up at a decent time.

Tomorrow is Saturday.

I wish I was 10 and still pumped for Saturday Morning Cartoons.

one hundred. nineteen.

I currently cannot get enough of:
"Much Farther To Go" by Rosie Thomas
"I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers
"Complainte de la Butte" by Rufus Wainwright

I'm not entirely sure what Rufus Wainwright is singing because the majority of it is in French, so he could be speaking profanities...however the song is so fantastic.

merely stretching my back out yesterday has severely limited my mobility today. i'm walking around like the hunchback of notre dame. it's a terrible feeling.

I have begun obsessive planning for my modernish dance class for the spring. I can't believe Cinderella is over & I'm already moving on to the next thing. There's not time to mull over the fact that a show I spent months working on is finished. It's strange though, to be at the end of that road and look back, see what I wished I had done differently, things that I'll miss.

Today I gave my new car, Hugo Duncan [most commonly referred to by his middle name] a little bath. He really looks striking now. I spilled a jamba smoothie like an idiot on his clean, tan interior the other day and left purple blobs. Don't worry, Curt, I'll clean it up. [Curt is obsessed with car cleanliness & vents that are perfectly lined up. If I punched him in the face and then spilled chips in his truck, he'd be more upset about the chips. True story.]

Now would be a nice time to visit Ireland.

one hundred. eighteen.

in real life, i associate a face with a name.

i see a short, scruffy neighbor with glasses and search my brain for his name....

gary!

at work, it goes a bit differently. i associate a face with a drink and then a name.

clean shaven, dark haired, chai latte rick.

tiny lady, energetic, super sweet vanilla latte nikki.

geeky with glasses & some sort of striped shirt, keeps-you-guessing-but-maybe-a-tea chris.

big ears older man with friendly smile, skim mocha granita ray.

that's just how it goes. then when in conversation with people outside of work, i refer to them as their name & drink.

"yeah, rick the chai latte guy jammed with rick somebody from cheap trick."

it's just a different world.

we got a bunch of new teas in and my life is heaven. one fruit tea called cloud catcher makes THE MOST AMAZING iced tea, i kid you not. in a close second is our new south sea magic black tea, with some mango or something in it. yum yum. :]]

Just finished our first weekend of Cinderella. The show is so fun, I am thoroughly entertained every time I watch it. Things have definitely slacked off on the to-do list and I definitely haven't been eating as well [i.e. i just scarfed down 4 ferrero rocher's.]. Something to work on next week. Lauren Mansoonie & I have decided to run a 5k in May, so I need to get on the ball training for that. I'm so excited and also quite intimidated. I ran the other day [very seriously minded] and realized I have quite a lot of work ahead of me.

i'm off to eat some FANTASTIC [whole grain] pasta that my sister just made. be jealous.

one hundred.seventeen.

My boss tells me I'm awkward, specifically the most awkward person.
Eric, my fish side boss tells me I'm a lot loony.
Fernando [Furry], the cook on the fish side tells me I'm a little loco.

WHAT IS THIS.

Suddenly the entire world decided to fill me in on the fact that apparently I'm kind of a strange bird. Good to know.

I'm just going to convince myself that there is actually a compliment lying somewhere underneath the surface of scoffing and run with that.

[p.s. 3 posts in 2 days?! feeling a bit like a lame-o. cutting back.]

one hundred.sixteen.

just read through much of my old xanga & flipped through several friends old xangas.

really quite bittersweet.

at times a bit heavy on the bitter

or the sweet

[but even in the sweet, it's bitter.]

so much is different.

not bad different.

& i musn't forget that everything has brought me here.

but it's a very surreal feeling.

those were honest entries from all of us.

at times more vulnerable than i think i intended.

i used to think i was so cryptic and & sneaky

but you understood every word.

ugh. digging up the past can be so wonderful

& so very strange.

one hundred.fifteen.

i just finished a book on new atheism.

i actually wasn't aware there was such a thing as new atheism, but apparently there is. it was fascinating to learn about.

i took a victorian literature class a few years ago [one of my favorite classes] and it discussed the unsteadiness of man after science began to break down theological presuppositions. there was a sense of anxiety as technology progressed and traditions and beliefs were no longer needed/wanted. there was a sense of loss that was exemplified in some of the literature from that period, like "Dover Beach." I love the last part:

The Sea of Faith

Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore

Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.

But now I only hear

Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating, to the breath

Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.

Ah, love, let us be true

To one another! for the world, which seems

To lie before us like a land of dreams,

So various, so beautiful, so new,

Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,

Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;

And we are here as on a darkling plain

Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,

Where ignorant armies clash by night.

this poem was also brought up in the book as an illustration of how differently new atheism presents itself. back then it was almost mourning, and now the release from God is seen as a celebration. do away with old beliefs and religion that is holding humanity back and then celebrate true freedom.

very intriguing read.

[i always forget how to spell intriguing.]

kanoa is laying here next to me taking a nap.

i wish i was taking a nap.

over the weekend i went to a show at the metro, which was fantastic.

all of the people you see on the street and think

"that person looks neat/interesting/unusual/charming"

they were all there too.

ho hum. worked at the coffee shop today & again tomorrow.

did i mention that i love working at the coffee shop?

truly, it's nice.