wow.
it has been a long time since i've stayed up until six in the morning.
did that last night
or this morning
depending on how you look at it.
but it was a nice time. and i have a new teacup.
it has my initial on it. my Tina initial on it.
T on a teacup.
fantastic? i think yes.
this week:
ate tofu & seaweed for the first time. seaweed: pretty good. tofu: err... it was alright.
had a fantastic day at the art institute and then tripped on over to Lauren's house for a movie night, watching old shows. haha...
strike party [new teacup], staying up too late. saw the changeling, a good movie but so sad and miserable. not like "i'm going to cry" miserable, but more like "i'm going to go and jump off a bridge" miserable.
went thrifting. got some sweet things. i love thrifting!
had a dinner with my fellow. saw a play with my fellow.
am now sitting here and listening to mother and sister share their weekend stories.
what an exciting week!
music problem: solved.
i'll be dancing to "hoppípolla" by sigur rós [thanks to curt for this stroke of genius by suggesting sigur rós].
this is an excellent song. i have a week, i think, to choreograph.
1:02, folks. now is a good time for sleep time.
11.23.2008
11.12.2008
fifty.eight.
& now modern dance teacher tells me that i can't do a song with lyrics.
soooooo "mad world" be out.
shoot.
song suggestions? anyone?
must be just music/spoken word/nature sounds/music in a foreign language, etc...
i have several ideas to fall back on. at this point basically just a song from "The Hours" because Phillip Glass is an excellent composer.
yes. it should be fine.
here's something sad: sunday we had the last show for Narnia.
i did get a little misty-eyed as i saw weeks of work by so many hands come to a close. honestly, it really was just a remarkable experience with some pretty remarkable people.
and that's all i have to say about that.
in other news, i had spaghetti tonight and it was grand.
also, my mind runs constantly of late.
[this is not new, but this running comes and goes a bit.]
it runs with new plans for spring and moving and reading and not reading and music.
ho hum.
i found the joy that is pandora radio.
i basically wasted my day today. it was a day at home. i bummed around too much.
my hair might be a different color, who knows?
what if i took piano lessons again?
soooooo "mad world" be out.
shoot.
song suggestions? anyone?
must be just music/spoken word/nature sounds/music in a foreign language, etc...
i have several ideas to fall back on. at this point basically just a song from "The Hours" because Phillip Glass is an excellent composer.
yes. it should be fine.
here's something sad: sunday we had the last show for Narnia.
i did get a little misty-eyed as i saw weeks of work by so many hands come to a close. honestly, it really was just a remarkable experience with some pretty remarkable people.
and that's all i have to say about that.
in other news, i had spaghetti tonight and it was grand.
also, my mind runs constantly of late.
[this is not new, but this running comes and goes a bit.]
it runs with new plans for spring and moving and reading and not reading and music.
ho hum.
i found the joy that is pandora radio.
i basically wasted my day today. it was a day at home. i bummed around too much.
my hair might be a different color, who knows?
what if i took piano lessons again?
11.11.2008
fifty.seven.
i think it's funny when people use an asterisk as a vowel in a four-letter word.
because that makes it so much better
& less like a four-letter word.
good one. way to keep it clean.
today i raked leaves for three hours. it started hailing and raining a little, that was fun.
usually i enjoy raking leaves
because there is the payoff of a huge pile to jump into afterwards.
however, the leaves were wet and sticky
and no longer smelled fantastic.
soooo... we didn't jump in the leaves.
we just raked them into neat piles on the side of the road.
our yard looks so barren now.
i lovelovelove days at home.
i cleaned my room! and halfway made my bed. and i found an old hat that i'd made [it's yellow]. and kit kittredge: story of an american girl is playing at precisely 8:00 on our television and i'm and just wriggling with excitement. also, i think we are having spaghetti for dinner, so it's just looking to be super fantastic. ALSO, i played the piano today, and wondered at why i ever quit because i really do enjoy it. i learned the first part of "mad world." i did. i might dance to that song for my modern dance final because it's just super to dance to.
although, now that i think of it, it's probably more fun to play the piano when i don't have to. that's probably why i quit. i just don't love it enough to be forced to play it.
i feel like a lot of people have been asking me lately what i'm going to do with my future.
i hate to disappoint, because i don't have any grand plans. just simple ones, ones that don't require a career and years and years of school and transferring and all of that.
i should start making things up.
because that makes it so much better
& less like a four-letter word.
good one. way to keep it clean.
today i raked leaves for three hours. it started hailing and raining a little, that was fun.
usually i enjoy raking leaves
because there is the payoff of a huge pile to jump into afterwards.
however, the leaves were wet and sticky
and no longer smelled fantastic.
soooo... we didn't jump in the leaves.
we just raked them into neat piles on the side of the road.
our yard looks so barren now.
i lovelovelove days at home.
i cleaned my room! and halfway made my bed. and i found an old hat that i'd made [it's yellow]. and kit kittredge: story of an american girl is playing at precisely 8:00 on our television and i'm and just wriggling with excitement. also, i think we are having spaghetti for dinner, so it's just looking to be super fantastic. ALSO, i played the piano today, and wondered at why i ever quit because i really do enjoy it. i learned the first part of "mad world." i did. i might dance to that song for my modern dance final because it's just super to dance to.
although, now that i think of it, it's probably more fun to play the piano when i don't have to. that's probably why i quit. i just don't love it enough to be forced to play it.
i feel like a lot of people have been asking me lately what i'm going to do with my future.
i hate to disappoint, because i don't have any grand plans. just simple ones, ones that don't require a career and years and years of school and transferring and all of that.
i should start making things up.
11.10.2008
fifty.six.
things that would be neat:
photography. an airplane. a violin. a homemade quilt. a new hat. making use of the beads i bought. a consistent 8.3 hours of sleep every night. a foolproof workout plan. a croissant. a trip to the city. straight teeth.
things that currently are neat:
my dog. my boots. my dad's big socks on my feet. the smell outside. an early bedtime. a pint of ice cream. a boy. another weekend of shows. one month left of school. iron & wine. moving??
things that should be neater:
my room. my fingernails [i promise. one week - no biting my nails. i'm starting small.] my mind.
photography. an airplane. a violin. a homemade quilt. a new hat. making use of the beads i bought. a consistent 8.3 hours of sleep every night. a foolproof workout plan. a croissant. a trip to the city. straight teeth.
things that currently are neat:
my dog. my boots. my dad's big socks on my feet. the smell outside. an early bedtime. a pint of ice cream. a boy. another weekend of shows. one month left of school. iron & wine. moving??
things that should be neater:
my room. my fingernails [i promise. one week - no biting my nails. i'm starting small.] my mind.
10.31.2008
fifty.five.
I think my Dad is somewhere near crazy, or has the potential to be really, truly mad.
He talks to his books like they are real people.
Dear Dad,
Books are inanimate objects that will not [and cannot] respond.
They do not take orders, such as "Stay."
When you say "Hello" they will not respond with similar greetings.
I hope you understand.
Love,
Tina.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure he can hear them talking back.....
It smells fantastic out.
I picked up a book of poetry the other day, and immediately saw the poem by Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night." I took a poetry class a few years ago, and one day in class my professor read that poem aloud. I loved listening to my professor read the poems aloud. He really lingered on every word, each word meant something, each word lead to the next.
I always got shy to read aloud, and would hide my face in my hand a little and rush through. But he was unabashed and loved every moment. I remember specifically this poem, he didn't look at the book very much because he knew most of it by heart. I remember his face was big and his voice was big and actually all of him was just big. Not fat, just laarrrggee. And his voice was booming and entreating and soft but still big. I loved hearing him read this poem, especially the last stanza. What a neat guy.
I watched Pride & Prejudice this morning whilst doing homework. What a great movie [even though Keira Knightley bugs me a little]. I just love how jaunty and dandy Mr. Bingley is, it makes me laugh. Just a really friendly man.
Speaking of homework, I should get back on that....
He talks to his books like they are real people.
Dear Dad,
Books are inanimate objects that will not [and cannot] respond.
They do not take orders, such as "Stay."
When you say "Hello" they will not respond with similar greetings.
I hope you understand.
Love,
Tina.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure he can hear them talking back.....
It smells fantastic out.
I picked up a book of poetry the other day, and immediately saw the poem by Dylan Thomas "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night." I took a poetry class a few years ago, and one day in class my professor read that poem aloud. I loved listening to my professor read the poems aloud. He really lingered on every word, each word meant something, each word lead to the next.
I always got shy to read aloud, and would hide my face in my hand a little and rush through. But he was unabashed and loved every moment. I remember specifically this poem, he didn't look at the book very much because he knew most of it by heart. I remember his face was big and his voice was big and actually all of him was just big. Not fat, just laarrrggee. And his voice was booming and entreating and soft but still big. I loved hearing him read this poem, especially the last stanza. What a neat guy.
I watched Pride & Prejudice this morning whilst doing homework. What a great movie [even though Keira Knightley bugs me a little]. I just love how jaunty and dandy Mr. Bingley is, it makes me laugh. Just a really friendly man.
Speaking of homework, I should get back on that....
10.27.2008
fifty.four.
sociology teacher::
i feel like when i look at her eyes they're already almost dead.
we have things in common
but these things only highlight our differences.
like the fact that she only laughs a bitter laugh.
our world is so flawed, she only finds humor in the dark & depressing.
it's what consumes her.
she recognizes the flaws
& that things are not getting better
& won't
& will only worsen.
& in her eyes, this is it. she creates her own reality & truth & beauty.
so even as she creates it she knows that it is not real or true or beautiful.
she has nothing to look forward to
because what she does have to look forward to
working at the bar, writing letters of fury to Walmart, catching the Daily Show and hot, random hookups
it's all chasing after wind.
it's meaningless
"socially constructed."
what a sad life to lead. sad outlook to have.
CYT rehearsal this weekend was grand. it smelled like little kid farts and felt like sticky air-heads. it looked like matthew [very small, adorable child] improv dancing to Aslan's return song, and improv dancing like it's his last moments on earth. he's 8. he's fantastic. he asks lots of questions. i'm quite fond of this hilarious child.
after church on Sunday i went to go and study at Panera. Sunday was pretty windy. I put my english folder on top of my car to get the laptop out and the next second hundreds of pretty white essays and information sheets and scrawlings on lined paper tore out of the folder and flew quickly all over the parking lot.
ALL OVER.
and it was still windy, so i'm dashing about as quickly as possible and people are sitting in their cars laughing at me and one old lady starts helping me. we've each got a bajillion papers and it's still windy and some papers are still hiding underneath tires. she gives me my papers back and i collect the few others and put them back in their folder and some girl comes from around the corner with some more papers.
finally i go into panera and two people ask me if i got all of them.
that was just... very entertaining, i'm sure.
[actually. it was kinda funny.]
i feel like when i look at her eyes they're already almost dead.
we have things in common
but these things only highlight our differences.
like the fact that she only laughs a bitter laugh.
our world is so flawed, she only finds humor in the dark & depressing.
it's what consumes her.
she recognizes the flaws
& that things are not getting better
& won't
& will only worsen.
& in her eyes, this is it. she creates her own reality & truth & beauty.
so even as she creates it she knows that it is not real or true or beautiful.
she has nothing to look forward to
because what she does have to look forward to
working at the bar, writing letters of fury to Walmart, catching the Daily Show and hot, random hookups
it's all chasing after wind.
it's meaningless
"socially constructed."
what a sad life to lead. sad outlook to have.
CYT rehearsal this weekend was grand. it smelled like little kid farts and felt like sticky air-heads. it looked like matthew [very small, adorable child] improv dancing to Aslan's return song, and improv dancing like it's his last moments on earth. he's 8. he's fantastic. he asks lots of questions. i'm quite fond of this hilarious child.
after church on Sunday i went to go and study at Panera. Sunday was pretty windy. I put my english folder on top of my car to get the laptop out and the next second hundreds of pretty white essays and information sheets and scrawlings on lined paper tore out of the folder and flew quickly all over the parking lot.
ALL OVER.
and it was still windy, so i'm dashing about as quickly as possible and people are sitting in their cars laughing at me and one old lady starts helping me. we've each got a bajillion papers and it's still windy and some papers are still hiding underneath tires. she gives me my papers back and i collect the few others and put them back in their folder and some girl comes from around the corner with some more papers.
finally i go into panera and two people ask me if i got all of them.
that was just... very entertaining, i'm sure.
[actually. it was kinda funny.]
10.21.2008
fifty.three.
do you ever have those people where you look at them and wonder what they ever DO?
i mean, honestly.
what do you even DO with your life?
i know a few people like that.
i look at my life, and i've got a pretty good sense at how it all plays out
[considering i'm the one living it]
and friends and family, a lot of them i get it.
but some people
[mostly people i don't necessarily know as well, but some i do]
seem like they can't have hardly anything that makes up their life.
anyhow.
i was just thinking about that.
people who don't do anything.
people who don't do anything that i know about, that is.
so they probably do a whole lot
but i'm too self-involved to notice?
drat.
probably true.
i tried to fix my bike today. that bombed, big time.
i put the inner tube on, and took absolutely forever to put the tire back on over the inner tube because i'm completely inept when it comes to putting a tire back on a rim. finally figured out a good way to do it that didn't really always work, but at least it didn't always fail.
feeling very accomplished, i began to pump up the tire when the inner tube popped or exploded, making a loud noise that scared me pretty good.
i gave up.
thursday i think my fellow is coming over to help fix it. that will be grand.
[i think the word "fellow" is a funny word, but we're going to roll with it.]
it just would have been a perfect day for a bike ride today. it was just a perfect day in general, and instead of spending it out and about on a lovely bike ride i spent it inside working on this blasted paper.
i'm over exaggerating, because the paper really isn't that bad.
i just really wanted to say blasted.
i'm beginning to think of christmas, and am getting little thrills. :]]
we got a new bird. i think she likes me best of all. we're beginning to be great friends. i'm teaching her to say really interesting things. she poops too much.
[how very nice it is to be here and not there.
here is nice and good.]
which do you say: yesterday night or last night?
i had something really fantastic to write about, something that really struck me at sociology, but i'm kind of forgetting what it was so i'll save it for later.
for now, answer the question. please.
i mean, honestly.
what do you even DO with your life?
i know a few people like that.
i look at my life, and i've got a pretty good sense at how it all plays out
[considering i'm the one living it]
and friends and family, a lot of them i get it.
but some people
[mostly people i don't necessarily know as well, but some i do]
seem like they can't have hardly anything that makes up their life.
anyhow.
i was just thinking about that.
people who don't do anything.
people who don't do anything that i know about, that is.
so they probably do a whole lot
but i'm too self-involved to notice?
drat.
probably true.
i tried to fix my bike today. that bombed, big time.
i put the inner tube on, and took absolutely forever to put the tire back on over the inner tube because i'm completely inept when it comes to putting a tire back on a rim. finally figured out a good way to do it that didn't really always work, but at least it didn't always fail.
feeling very accomplished, i began to pump up the tire when the inner tube popped or exploded, making a loud noise that scared me pretty good.
i gave up.
thursday i think my fellow is coming over to help fix it. that will be grand.
[i think the word "fellow" is a funny word, but we're going to roll with it.]
it just would have been a perfect day for a bike ride today. it was just a perfect day in general, and instead of spending it out and about on a lovely bike ride i spent it inside working on this blasted paper.
i'm over exaggerating, because the paper really isn't that bad.
i just really wanted to say blasted.
i'm beginning to think of christmas, and am getting little thrills. :]]
we got a new bird. i think she likes me best of all. we're beginning to be great friends. i'm teaching her to say really interesting things. she poops too much.
[how very nice it is to be here and not there.
here is nice and good.]
which do you say: yesterday night or last night?
i had something really fantastic to write about, something that really struck me at sociology, but i'm kind of forgetting what it was so i'll save it for later.
for now, answer the question. please.
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