one hundred.six.

i'm playing the christmas classics radio station and the christmas shoes song came on. not sure how that qualifies as a classic...

characters you might meet if you worked at a coffee shop [names have been changed to protect their privacy]:

1. "Phil"- the taxi driver turned carnival guy. hoarse voice. never showers. frequently gives customers directions, whether they ask for them or not. Gets a coffee not because it's good, but because it's cheap and he needs the code at the bottom of the receipt to access the internet.

2. "Nancy"- friendliest hospital worker ever. clutches her hands to her heart when wishing you happy holidays. A coffee in a mug and a tea bag for later.

3. "Paul" - student from the local community college. Always tired. Always gets a seven shot White Chocolate Mocha. I start his drink for him before he comes in.

4. "Jim" - some important somebody in the community, something with the chamber of commerce? Important. Small amaretto latte with whip important. Also start his drink for him before he comes in. He calls me Christina and always asks about my weekend.

5. "Edward" and his wife "Bridget" - the British couple. Small latte people, they keep it simple and keep it cool. Sometimes they grab a cookie or a croissant. I ask them questions just to keep them talking. They might get annoyed.

Tonight was one of those nights where you try to make chocolate chip cookies for your boyfriend and it just does not work. Your boyfriend is playing super nintendo mario world with your sister. You are in the kitchen and you make two different batches of cookies and still manage to screw both of them up in one way or another, even though you always make chocolate chip cookies and they turn out just fine. It's just the one time your boyfriend is over and requests cookies that you screw up. Two different batches.

Not that this happened. It was just...y'know...that kind of night.

This week was one of those weeks where your entire family is all together and it's crazy wonderful. Even family from Tennessee makes the trek up to spend Thanksgiving with everyone, and they bring their new daughter that you are both ecstatic and intimidated to hold because she is just so precious.

Crazy wonderful. I love my family. I love six of the cousins on one couch watching Home Alone, constant noise, lots of food. Just as it should be.

one hundred.five.

Watching my mom and sister playing DDR.

I'm sure you can imagine how funny that is.
[written last week. i then got up and played DDR. doubled over in laughter at how ridiculous my sister looked.]

When I was younger, I would read my Bible and imagine that I would find some significant truth in it that no one had discovered in thousands of years. Somehow there would be some special message that would rock the world. Some secret code or phrasing that only I could understand, decipher and share.
I understand this is not the best way to read the Bible. However, it was pretty much totally feasible in my young mind.

I was reading "Into the Wild" but stopped to read "Technopoly" which is effectively making me shake my head every few seconds. Not negative, "what a disappointment" shake, more like hit with a bucket of cold water shake. Shaking up some things I've just not questioned/assumed my whole life. Very interesting.

Today a lady was wiping her eyes while reading Persuasion. I told her I loved that book.
"Isn't it just the best book ever written? It is."
I nodded in agreement to her agreeing with herself.

Spent most of my afternoon today working on Cinderella stuff. That's the next show I'm choreographing [why am I so crazy?]. I'm really looking forward to it, although I'm not used to choreographing waltzing. This will be interesting. Especially going to be fun because my sister is intern choreographing and the fellow has been roped in to help rehearse. It'll be jolly times, no doubt.

I've been writing less and less in the moleskine. Most unfortunate. I feel as if I'm having a more difficult time being motivated to write/expressing myself as easily as I did before. I don't like it. So many changes, sort of wreaks havoc on things. We've all got so little time left of growing up. Still can't get over how strange it is to see us all older and studious or married or working. I really should write because there really are so many things I could be writing about to remember for later on.

Anyhow, I should get on to bed because it's an early morning and a long day tomorrow.
Kanoa says hello.

one hundred.four.

I still want to see Where the Wild Things Are.

I just finished "Feminine Appeal." Great book. Also just finished "Kite Runner." Another great book. Now reading "Into the Wild." Very factual.

I also read a book by Anne Lammot [sp?]. It wasn't what I hoped for.

Last night was double feature terrible movie night with the fellow. He brought up his projector and we watched the movies on the white wall in our living room instead of the television. Really a unique experience, almost felt wasted on two terrible movies. We both picked one terrible movie to watch. His pick: Transformers 2. My pick: She's the Man. We ate scads of peanut M&M's and groaned at terrible dialogue. Too much fun.

Catching a little bit of a break, now that The Hobbit is over. Finding myself home some evenings, able to work out, able to crochet and read more. It's a good feeling. Have a meeting to choreograph Cinderella tomorrow, and the actual show starts getting put together in December. I feel a little crazy, but this show should be easier. Looking forward to working with a new team, with my sister. Lots of waltzing, got to get my ONE two three step on. Going to make the fellow waltz as well, pick me up and throw me in the air. It'll be outstanding.

Amazed, as always, at how the time flies.
Christmas is so soon? I'll be setting up for work in the early mornings and the snow will be flying. Just around the corner.

Tried to buy a car this weekend. Failure. Anyone want to sell me their car?

Less than 3 weeks until Swell Season in Chicago. Couldn't be more excited. :]]

How are you?

one hundred.three.

I am one of those people who like instant results.
At least when it comes to workouts.
I'll get a good sweat going for about 35 minutes, eat a salad, then wake up the next day expecting to see an entirely new me & a new number on the scale.
Despite how many times this has failed I'm still vaguely disappointed when I get up and absolutely nothing has changed.

This quote basically describes my life right now:
"As a life's work, I would remember everything - everything, against loss. I would go through life like a plankton net." Annie Dillard
I might have posted this already. Why do I feel as if I've posted this already.
If I have, forgive the repetitive themes.
I just haven't been recording and catching everything as much, but life continues sailing whether I write it down or not. I hate that feeling, because then when I forget things it's almost as if it never even happened.
Feeling certain that I've said that before. Or read it.

Despite things flying by, they've been lovely things.
Celebrated one year with the fellow. Can't decide if it feels longer or shorter than that.
Still remember when we sat down on the dock at camp, five feet apart because we were just a little scared of each other but wanted to be near. Reminds me of that Joshua Radin song "I'd Rather Be With You," just that first verse because it talks about sitting on the dock & it's raining & we both had things to say. Then months later & sitting at Harper with more things to say. A little over a year ago.
We went to a nice restaurant and both said we felt like we were waiting for our parents. They sat us in these plush chairs where basically our chins made it over the table. Kind of a funny scenario for celebrating one year of dating, feeling like we were 12.

Anyhow. What else? Show is almost ready. I miss dancing.

3 guys who don't have jobs collectively tipped me 20 dollars at work. It was the saddest and sweetest thing, made me want to cry. Here I am hoarding my money and ungraciously demanding paybacks when they who have nothing tip me outrageously just for making them their tea. Lessons learned.

Direct quote from customer: "So, are you going to go back to school or just going to get knocked up and have a kid?"
1. who says that?!
2. there seems to be a general vibe that I'm getting that unless I go to school, I am doing nothing with my life, and also have nothing to talk about. Friends who go to school talk about school. When I'm not going to school, it seems a mouthful to ask "How are you? How's life?" because I can't respond with stories about outrageous teachers, or late night parties, or comparisons on lack of sleep.
I try and tell myself that my life has value whether I go back to school and get a degree or not. Just because I don't get a degree doesn't automatically make me a failure, right? When adults/peers push that on me, I honestly don't know what to say. I don't know exactly where my life is headed or where I'll be next year or five years. But just because I'm not working towards that doesn't mean I'm not working towards other goals, that my life isn't brimming with details like any other life.
You know?

On a lighter & brighter note:
guess who
is seeing
THE SWELL SEASON
in Chicago?
---->

ME!
[with father & sister]
so extremely joyous.
And on Dec. 4th!
the city will all be lit up...

one hundred.two.

I obtained a good amount of excellent music this week, including the new Decemberists album, Monsters of Folk album & the new David Gray album. I'm so excited to drive to work now, such wonderful new music to listen to. The thing with the Decemberists album is that it's a complete story from beginning to end, so I feel I must do it justice & listen to it in its entirety, at least at first. Thursday morning gave me an excellent opportunity to just do that, seeing as I'm supposed to meet the manager at work at 5:30 to go in and open up before the coffee shop officially opens at 6. I arrive early, 5:20, and listened to the album on the way over to work. The manager decides it would be a good morning to forget to set his alarm and doesn't arrive until 6:20, well after we're supposed to be open. So, good news, I got through the album. 

Have I mentioned that the fellow is back? No, probably not. But there, now I have & it's the truth, been back for a week now. It's wonderful. 

Felt as if I had fascinating story/hilarious tidbit/anecdote with profound implications to share. Am now feeling slightly muddled & can't quite remember what it was. Trying to think of it reminds me of grabbing for the light string in the closet in the early mornings. I turn on the closet light to find my work clothes at 4:30 in the morning. It's so dark & I'm so tired that I just swing my hand around back and forth, searching for the thin string that inevitably is hooked to the side or something. It's pointless. I should just go back to bed.

one hundred. one.

My body is heavy, too tired to bear its own weight. 

Every second I slip into a slightly more slumped position.

Soon I'll be just a heap on the floor.

Blegh. 10 hours at work and 1 crappy movie is enough for one day. I'm through. 

What did brighten this gloom is a message from the fellow. We both shared great stories from our day via facebook message [the most romantic form of communication, obviously]. His was that he tackled pumping some outhouses at camp today. I won't go into the gory details, but it makes for a funny episode if you enjoy that stinky, fecal matter side of humor. My story is as follows, copied from the message so that I don't have to retype. 

Story: This one old guy walks in, and I asked, like I always do: "Hello! How are you doing today?" So this old guy gets super mad, and says "I KNEW you were going to ask me that!" Obviously, I'm confused at his reaction, so I give him a questioning look. 
"I don't know you and you don't know me!" he says. "Why would you ask me that? I was happy before you asked."
"And now you're not? Because I asked?" I said, trying to be upbeat.
"Correct. I want a small coffee."
I get him a small coffee. He remarks on the cheap price [which turns out to be sarcasm], then says: "You know what? The biggest percentage of people who ask that question are young and unmarried women." He's saying all of this in just the rudest tone. Like I'm an idiot. And offensive. 
"Are you sure it doesn't have more to do with the fact that I'm...working behind a counter?" I ask. I'm getting mad. Sometimes when I get mad I start to cry, so I'm trying not to cry at this point. But I'm still trying to be upbeat.
"No. It's because you don't know or understand the trials and tribulations of life yet. And let me tell you something, honestly. I'm being honest. I'm never coming back here again. I'm serious. I won't be back. McDonald's gives senior citizens coffee for 50 cents." He makes a face like I am ridiculous, grabs his coffee, says "God Bless" and walks out.

What a wretched ordeal. I honestly just didn't know how to respond. I have this thing that maybe falls into typical lines of human nature that I wish to be liked and accepted, and if someone has a problem with me I really don't like it. I don't appreciate conflict or drama. I'm kind of an up front person. So while I appreciated his candor and honesty, I had no idea how to take someone being so outlandishly rude to me. Who does that?!

I'd honestly just rather be cleaning up crap with the fellow in the U.P. than dealing with that old, crabby man.

one hundred.

made it! it's a little sad that it's taken me all this time to get to 100 posts, but it is what it is.

worked today. sliced my finger open today. Oh, the hazards of working in a kitchen. knives & sharp edges. I'm so clumsy that it's bound to happen. I don't know how I haven't dropped heaps of plates yet. Truly a miracle.
Then got home & Tai said she was going up to hang out at Lake Geneva so I tagged along. We sat in a coffee house and read and I took a nap on a couch they had there after drinking some soy hot chocolate which is so comforting. Nothing in the world like soy hot chocolate.
Ate so much junk today, but I try & justify it by saying that I did work out this morning! Altogether extraordinary, but also not, because somehow I've been managing to keep it up. Again, truly a miracle.
Things eaten:
2 cookies, fresh baked [thank you Tai]
drank a soy hot chocolate [i figure soy is good, right?]
ate a gallon of Cold Stone ice cream, yummm. It was long overdue.
After the coffee shop we walked down and sat on the pier.
Tai sketched and I marveled at the choppy water.
When I was younger I used to take the world so literally. In my Dad's art class he would constantly tell me not to draw after what I thought the world looked like, but really look at it.
A difficult task for left-brained child.
I figured since water was blue-green, when I drew choppy water it would be the same, that same consistent color.
But when the water is choppy & glinting off of sun and sky it's so many different colors.
Truly boggles the mind.
Glinting gold where the sun hits it, then white and the lightest blue, vibrantly reflected.
Then murky grays and surprising purplish hues.
Alive with so many more colors than you would initially think of.
It was mesmerizing.
Stared at the water until two older men pulled around in their boat and started singing "Sitting in the evening sun..."
We figured that was our cue to leave.

Reading "The Reason for God." What an excellent read. So much of it is so relevant. Finished the chapter today on the innate knowledge of God. Don't know why, but the chapter was almost heartbreaking.
Also have really enjoyed countless references to people who hold to the belief that there is no ultimate truth, no ultimate reality, no ultimate meaning for life [i.e. my sociology teacher]. I loved the quote he gave from C.S. Lewis:
"But you cannot go on "explaining away" for ever: you will find that you have explained explanation itself away. You cannot go on "seeing through" things for ever. The whole point of seeing through something is to see something through it. It is good that the window should be transparent, because the street or garden beyond it is opaque. How if you saw through the garden too?...a wholly transparent world is an invisible world. To "see through" all things is the same as not to see."
So interesting.

Speaking of books, I read "The Shack" a little while back. I really should journal my thoughts more about books I read so I remember them, because I can barely remember now why I thought the book was so ridiculous. I think my memory is failing me already. Devestating.

A man with a British accent came in today & ordered a spicy grouper sandwich. When I worked on the coffee side he would come in and order a latte sometimes. Fantastic.

I listened to some Camera Obscura yesterday and really enjoyed it. Never heard them before, I don't think.
Is it possible to go and see The Swell Season when they come to Chicago? It very well might be. I want to be one of THOSE people. Those live show people. You know?
Do you ever have that? Sometimes I do. I want to be part of some club. Some live show club, or creative photography club. Or amazing artists club or eclectic dresser club. Or poetry reading and writing club or theater genius club. Festival going club. Wine drinking club. Knitting club.
Sometimes I do. Want to be in that club.
You know?

Anhow, that should be it for tonight. Post 100 is gargantan.
As it should be. 100 is a big number.

p.s. forgot to mention fantastic music makers club. those people who can pull songs out of their instruments like nuggets of gold. that would be a great club.