8.27.2008

forty.seven.

everyone talks about online articles and blog sites and such, and i just have never gotten into them.
ok, maybe not everyone. but a lot of people.
i'm a fool when it comes to internet and searching and finding good things.
i had to do research for my advanced comp class and i just wanted to cry/die because i'm just not very skilled when it comes to internet research.
i have several blogs i check regularly.
i don't even know how to do that feed thing. i'd like to figure it out, so that i didn't have to stalk around to see when bloggers have updated, it would just show up all nice and convenient for me.

lately i've been paranoid about the radiation that comes from laptops/cellphones.

school has begun and it's crazy and busy and wonderful. my advanced composition teacher is TOUGH and expects me to know everything ever but i don't so i hope he doesn't fail me. sometimes i think i'm smart, and then i take classes like this and realize that i know very little, at least i know very little of what this guy knows.
quote: "and yeah, i'll admit, einstein was a pretty smart guy."
my teacher is so smart that he speaks of einstein with a casual air, and only gives him the credit of being "pretty" smart.
my teacher is a little pompous too. he's a dr.
he intimidates me, and also reminds me very strongly of a future version of my friend. which sheds some light on many things. which helps me to not be intimidated, because i feel like i know where he began, the kind of guy he started off as.

acting class is exciting. it's very exciting. i haven't done this in a while. i feel almost giddy. it's acting class, and then we also have weekly journal entries to turn in. i'm sorry, but does it get a whole lot better? i'm actually earning credit for this.

modern dance class is fantastic. i'm actually earning credit for learning to dance... although this credit does not actually go towards any real degree or certificate. honestly, it's just never been my top priority to get my degree or certification in something. i just want to do what i love to do, take classes in things that i want to learn more about and be better at. is that wrong?

school always make my head spin & i like it.
i'm listening to damien rice & i like his music.
i smelled perfume inspired by ireland today & it was strange & bittersweet. it didn't smell like ireland, it smelled familiar. i don't think ireland should smell familiar, at least not like that.

i read some old journal entries from about a year ago [real journal entries, not like blog/xanga entires]. haha, i was so lost. there are many recurring phrases: i just don't know, i'm so confused, i don't understand. then, slowly, there's clarity and understanding and peace and reason.
& now, here i am. it's funny how things change, hm? i like that i don't end up where i always intend, that i can never really predict where i'm going to be, that there's a bigger plan than mine.
right here is somewhere great. i like being on this side. i like waiting. i hope i hope i hope i hope i hope i'm right.

i put finding neverland [the movie] on the ipod. it's hanging out with braveheart and various dances and, randomly, 10 things i hate about you.
i love finding neverland. i cry every time.
i think i'm going to play the finding neverland soundtrack on repeat at my wedding.

visited irish days today.
some of it was good.
some of it i didn't like.
it's IRELAND for crying out loud.
the best place in the world.
& people make stupid t-shirts and pins and commercialize it.
which is just loads of poop.
[in my opinion.]
i'll just keep my ireland in my head then.
o, but i wish you could see it.
i wish i could touch it, really.

it's late. tomorrow i have a day off, but not really because i have to choreograph and paint some. i have to choreograph a whole bunch.
goodnight.
listen to damien rice sometime.

-christina

8.21.2008

forty.six.

i killed a lot of trees today, while weeding.
i don't like weeding very much.
but i love gardens.
i really like tough plants that you don't have to weed
and then having this glorious overgrown garden.
i think it looks neat
and less work!
not that i'm very lazy. it's just...
weeeddding.
if i had some windowsill gardens or a rooftop garden
or both
i wouldn't mind weeding those.
[do they even grow weeds? i don't know.]
but we have these bushes along the side of our house, and we have to weed all around them. it's tiresome. and seemingly unending, even though today my mom, sister and i all did it together and it got done pretty quickly.
but just imagine it:
i'm living in ireland.
i have flowers that are meticulously weeded growing at my windowsills, and several meticulously weeded potted plants by the door/walkway.
all around my house are gargantuan flowers and bushes and weeds all growing hand in hand.
yesyes.
i would probably make the professional gardener cry and run away.
he couldn't handle such perfect imperfection.

anyhow, back to the killing of small trees, that's another reason i don't like weeding.
you have to pluck all the innocent, fragile trees out.
dandelion leaves and all can go, they're hardy and grow back the next day.
but TREES.
they seem so much more...
alive.
they've got so much more personality.
not to be cruel to dandelions, or those giant leaves that i've always remembered as spider leaves, but trees just are more difficult to pull out. it's sad. a small forest died today.

i start school in several days now. i'm excited. i visited harper yesterday to finish up some details. i was looking at the poster of upcoming productions over the year, and the director of one of them came up and told me that he'd love to see me audition. he even shook my hand. i thought that was nice of him.
also, as i was walking in, my old sign language teacher remembered me and waved. i thought that was nice of him.

i read twilight.
i disliked it.
but i guess i can understand why it's huge.
why did you like it??

i bought a camera.
i'm not a photographer, so i bought a cheaper one.
i just want to have pictures. i like pictures.

i like people.
i like looking at them.
does this make me creepy?

-christina


8.18.2008

forty.five.

ho-hum.
i like the word grey.
i like what it makes me think of.
grey.
grey.
grey.
grey looks like blankets and books and train rides.
it looks like baking and movies and reading old journals.
grey sounds like norah jones and jon foreman and john mayer and soundtracks.
grey feels like a big sweater and a big hug and freshly painted toenails.
grey looks like your eyes when they are soft and sleepy.
it tastes like cookie dough and croissants with jelly.
grey.
[not gray.
that's completely different.]

there is this complicated balance between
respect
&
honesty.
being vulnerable
&
being guarded.
that's what i'm thinking of lately.
how to find that balance.
perhaps i complicate it too much.
over-analyze and second guess.
simplicity is key.
[it always is.]

had a splendid time in michigan with friends and family.
i love michigan.
i failed at the pit spitting contest
and the egg toss contest
and the dune jumping [face plant].
i rocked at eating a boomchunka ice cream sundae.
and i rocked the sundress.
[i love a good sundress.]
[or 27 good sundresses.]
there are not many things better than the quaint towns and interesting people you will find in michigan.
michigan also has killer coffee shops that make good blueberry lemon scones.
you know what else i love?
tim allen talking about michigan.
every time those commercials come on the radio i turn them up as loud as my favorite song.

ho hum.
must go and help my father finish a piece of artwork.
wish me luck.

-christina

p.s. i didn't know that you could "add gadgets" to your blogger profile. there are way too many. i got lost and decided not to add any. simplicity...

8.05.2008

forty.four.

it's good to be home.
and have the internet back.
although, there is a lot of good things about no internet.
it's really a toss-up.
i very much did enjoy that month and a half without it.
the thing i most missed was being able to check the weather.
[i think that was the only thing i missed.]
i just abuse it back home.
self-control!
that's the name of the game.
and not just with computer time.
this could also extend to:
nail-biting
exercising
eating healthy [we have ice cream in the freezer and it's been torture not to dip into it every time i pass it]
getting enough sleep
unproductive thought patterns

to sum up:
self-control is something that could be implemented in my daily life on many counts.

today, got stuck in traffic on my way to barnes & noble and it was so incredibly hot. our car has no a/c. i practiced self-control and did not get angry at rude drivers or the awful heat, but instead stuck as much of my body as possible out of the window and listened to the cool vibes of Wilco.
wretched car ride turns into soothing sauna [unfortunately with no shower at the end].

got to barnes & noble later than expected and lost all self-control because instead of picking up interesting, intelligent, furthering of my knowledge book, or writing journal entry full of sparkling wit and intellect, i picked up crummy magazine that made me feel like a failure in terms of how often i get haircuts and what kind of shoes i wear/buy, plus i already felt awesomely attractive because of sauna experience. however, after closing my magazine i cow-girled up and felt much better when a small boy flirted shamelessly with me. He kept pushing his stroller closer to me, and then trying to hand me random objects from his table, like napkins. His mom told me that he wanted to take me for a spin in the stroller, and i said anytime.
bummed around and peeked inside a few books that were displayed by the front door, and then rushed out to pick tai up from dance classes.
the drive home was a lot cooler. i put just my hand out the window.
i love driving. driving with tai is always full of fun too.

earlier today i stopped by harper to figure out some stuff for classes.
i'm excited for this next semester.
i think i always say that but it's true.
fall semester is muchas fun.
the weather is good. it's AUTUMN for crying out loud, only the best time of the year.
i take that back.
i love the whole year.
autumn is just very near and dear to my heart.
why? i don't know.
anyhow, saw a surprise person at harper.
ran the other way.
ha. ha.
i think i'm a little socially awkward.
certain people i just don't know how to greet.
so i just run away.
it's my homeschool upbringing.
when in doubt: run away or point.
[just kidding. but seriously.]

i only had ONE SPOONFUL of ice cream today, so i think i will allow myself a small dish.
it's too good not to.
and if i don't, someone else will.
and then there will be none left for me.
i feel like this entry was a muddled booku of stuffs.
first entry back and all....
anyhow, have a superb evening. :]

-christina