sixty.six.

blech. espresso is gross.
i had to drink a lot today because i have a job working at a coffee house now.

crraaazzzy.

please let me tell you how insane my life is:
yesterday - walk into sweet little coffee house that actually works with farmers and works for fair trade and all that jazz/roasts their own coffee. ask if they are hiring. they say no. they say: another company is hiring close to here [closer to my casa], and training starts tomorrow. they share the same values as this coffee shop, and we train employees. you can fill out an application and drop it off tonight. see what happens.
me: ok.
i struggle to write my application out in my car for a while. i'm a dunce at filling out paperwork. my fellow comes and helps me finish writing it and we cavort around barnes & noble for a few minutes.
i drop it off. the lady asks me if i can interview tomorrow.
me: ok.

today: i walk in at 8:55 for my interview [that's right. five minutes early.] surprise! i'm hired, no interview. i begin training promptly at ten, after filling out more stupid paperwork. i drink espresso all day.
coffee is an art to these people.
me: i'm going to florida next week, i won't be here for the second week of training.
my new boss: that fine [she has an accent.] we just finish train when you come back. you have one on one train at sweet other little coffee shop.
me: ok.

downsides - i have to wear black pants, a polo and a baseball hat. just an idea: if you were trying to create a community and an atmosphere, wouldn't you want your employees dressing like normal persons? i think so. at the other sweet little coffee shop their dress code is "no crack in front. no crack in back." i think this is an admirable standard to live by, and my coffee shop should implement its simple charm.
other downsides - i have to drink a lot of espresso/potentially turn my teeth ugly colors.

upsides - strange blessing that i happened to ask about applications the day before training starts.
boss very easy-going about me missing a week of training.
20 minutes from my house.
good schedules.

upside/downside: i work with scary man with E.T. like head and major suck-up capabilities.
upside - touch of humor, alien presence.
downside - touch of oddness, alien presence.

this has been quite a day.

sixty.five.

hey.
something that i find rankling
is that someone who says that they believe in the same God that i do
find themselves locked in their own world
surrounded by goodness
and happiness
and farce.

because
hey.
take a look at reality.
i'm sorry, but i just find myself thinking
that if you believe as i believe
shouldn't we
OPEN OUR EYES
?
i don't suggest or presume to say
that we should find ourselves locked and linked
immersed
in a world of sin.
but would it be so terrible to recognize?
to seek to understand?
to try and see our role in it?
and not a role that means sticking only with those who believe exactly as we do
but a role that means being willing to sacrifice comfort
and ease
and step outside of some box we put ourselves in?
it seems like i know people
/have met people
/have read books by people
who find it decent to cut themselves off.

well anyhow. i don't know where this came from.
it sort of crossed my mind.
i just think it's odd to be ignorant about things you disagree with
or with truths that are difficult to handle.
oh poop.

sixty.four.

my friend got married on saturday.

she smiled so big that her eyes nearly disappeared.
it was very sweet. :]]
i really like it when people smile like that.

i think weddings are very dear. i used to want to be a wedding planner, so that i could just be around weddings all the time.
however, i do realize that brides could potentially be difficult people to be around.
so i will just attend as many weddings as possible. which is looking optimistic because many of my friends are getting married.
well, i would call them my friend. i understand i might have to be sacrificed because weddings can get expensive.
i'll just cross my fingers for invites. it would be smart for me to develop some wedding-worthy hobby, such as photography or video taping. or flower arrangements. then i could just skulk around and arrange flowers and watch the wedding from corners.
this is great idea.

i think that when i am a bride i won't be very difficult, actually.
i say this now. watch, i will probably be a horror.
but when i picture a vague idea of my wedding in my head, i just tend to think of things very differently. in general, this means a lackadaisical attitude towards such intricacies as seating arrangements and matching bridesmaids hair and the importance of shoes in any situation...
but i figure it's my wedding. if i choose to not stress over bridesmaids hair, then so be it.
am i right?
if you have enough brain power to think and plan that much, grand. your wedding will be visually stunning and coordinated.
maybe i'll forget to buy shoes. so be it.
this all seems completely logical to me.

sixty.three.

beware the jabberwock.

i feel a little askew, she said.
what? why would she say that?
shhheeee

does not

know.

thursday: why was thursday such a great day?
i don't know.
i know the sunset was beautiful.
i almost crashed my car trying to get a good glimpse. thinking back, i should have just pulled over.
why didn't i just pull over?
i was driving and listening to the new music for winter by jadiid/the hudson branch. that was a good drive.
it's funny how the sunsets look cold in the winter. don't they? i think so.

i'm rereading the emily of new moon books. those books used to captivate me.
it's funny, because reading them again, i see some odd connection between "the flash" that emily experiences, and moments that c.s. lewis talks about in his book "surprised by joy."
both of these moments are sort of rooted in some mystical, mysterious sense.
i think it's fascinating.
confession: the emily books still sort of captivate me. i could [or should] be reading something much better. i haven't read a BOOK book in a while because of school. mostly i just flipped through things.
but now that i finally have time to sit down
and just
READ.
now i pick up emily of new moon.
by l.m. montgomery.
what a great book, though, to waste my time on.

i'm going to florida soon. :]]

anyhow, so thursday was a fantastic day, and i haven't felt so contented and blissful in a long while. i'm not really sure what spurred this.
perhaps partly because i had a fantastic talk with my papa on wednesday night till pretty late.
i can't even remember everything, but i just got into the car to drive home and was so full of....
something?
something wonderful and grand.
nowhere near jolly, or happy. nothing quite so base.
something content and peaceful and grateful.
like those three. stirred up.
also, it could have been spurred on because it was the first day that school was over.
now that it's over, i can look back and see that sometimes it a little rough to have to defend myself.
i dislike that a little.
i'm growing too used to it.

anyhow, it is late.
i should be off.

p.s. can we try and arrange it?
p.s.s. just checked my calender. december 21st officially two minutes ago! first day of winter. :]]

sixty.two.

yesterday i went down to the locker room to change after my morning PE classes, and the little Asian girl and her mother weren't there.
it felt all wrong.
every morning after PE classes i go down to the locker room and the little girl and her mother are just finishing up swim class. the little girl stands just down the counter from me while i'm getting ready and her mom dries her hair and she asks her mom all sorts of questions. favorite questions include questions about God and questions about other people in the locker room who can hear what she asks.
i love kids.
i love kids & questions.
anyhow, but the old lady who dries her bangs in a big curl and wears burgundy lipstick outside of her lip line was still there, and she was merrily warbling some christmas tune.
i say warbling, because i really think that's the exact and only word that can be used to describe her voice.
think of old ladies singing.
doesn't it sound like warbling? it must.
it's not a bad thing, it's just their voice. it's a little richer, for one. a little shaky.
kind of warble-ish.

confession: i wish that picking noses was socially appropriate. but only for me, because i don't want to see other people picking their noses anywhere else but their cars. if they pick their nose in their cars, that's fine. everyone does that. especially older men.
is this TMI? i don't know. i was thinking about this yesterday. i would just like the freedom to pick my nose wherever i liked and be rid of social constraints regarding nose-picking.
i can't believe i'm writing this, but it's very true.
my mom just said that she would never tell someone that unless she had too much to drink. however, this means that she agrees, at least...

sixty. one.

i like smaller font better, and it really rankles me that blogspot won't let me change the font from the previous entry to smaller. it bugs out everytime i try. this is stupid.

my house is freezing. i can hardly feel my fingers.

so i read some of a book called "in praise of slowness"
and then watched the movie called "a good year" last night [it has russell crowe in it, he inherits a vineyard in france and begins an amazing, simple life].
today i have a day at home.
i am thinking and wondering more and more of a simple lifestyle.
i wrote a paper for school on the kitchen table and how it reflects our culture in terms of what goes on it, who sits there, etc...
after researching the subject a bit, the whole paper took a really bleak turn:
a cultural reflection of the kitchen table-
the kitchen table today in 2008 reflects that families do not eat together and no on eats good, homemade meals anymore.
the end.
anyway, it was a really interesting paper [to me] and a really interesting topic, and this book, "in praise of slowness" discussed how there is a movement towards Slow Food [or good food, really].
it talked about this little place over in Europe where eating a meal can take four hours, and it has courses and different wines and the food is whipped up from scratch and made with fresh ingredients.
the book discussed the importance of slow food, that the buildup of the desire for speed in everyday life translates to how we eat food as well, and the kinds of food that we eat. how it's unnatural and unhealthy, and how spending time eating [especially eating with family/friends] is so beneficial. and how taking time to cook the food is super beneficial too.

oh, i wish that everything didn't come down to time & money.

i'm going to go and run on the treadmill to get warm. i'm slowly losing feeling in all of my limbs.

sixty.

"Yellow expected as a bright spot for 2009

'Mimosa,' described as a vibrant shade of yellow, will be the most influential shade of 2009, according to a leading color source."

[got this on my news page. i knew it. yellow = awesome color. i knew it would have its day. my love for the color yellow is slightly spurred by my previous obsession with the song "yellow" summer 2007.]

Oh look at how she listens
She says nothing of what she thinks
She just goes stumbling through her memories
Staring out on to Grey Street
[dave matthews spells grey correctly.]

It's been too full, these past few weeks.
I will say that I love Thanksgiving and seeing my great-grandparents for the first time in years.
I will say that I love Pandora.com. Why did it take me so long?
I will say that I have yet to work on my final paper. I have various documents sitting on the computer right now, minimized so that I can forget about them and write this entry. As you can see, I have my priorities right in line.
I will say that my final scene is blocked for my acting class. This is excellent.
I will say that I am finished with my modern dance final and it went well. It went better than the really awkward modern dance of a boy in my class. He began by loudly stating that he didn't want to be recorded - twice. So, no one recorded him [i was very tempted]. He then proceeded to "dance" or walk around strangely for 2 minutes and 15 seconds [the dance was minimum of a minute. he could have saved us a minute fifteen seconds]. He also thought it appropriate to light up a fake cigarette with a real lighter as part of the dance. He ended by "killing himself." I will not say anything cheesy like: we all wanted to do the same.
I will say that we all did freak out a little when he pulled out the lighter. We thought he might set himself on fire for the sake of his art.

I have a new journal, a real journal. One of those moleskine ones. It's so smooth & cream-colored pages & smells nice.
I like cream colored pages much more. White works on skirts & shirts & snow but not on blank pages of a journal. Cream is for blank pages of a journal & old book pages & wedding dresses. I am convinced of this.

I will say that it's nice to have my brother around the house today and singing terrible renditions of Christmas carols.
I will say that I'm going to make myself a second cup of tea and begin on my paper. Dash it all.

[note this post was delayed in posting because of dumb-butt blogspot]