forty.

can this blog now be classified as over the hill? ha.

[by the by, humphrey is my imaginary friend.]

this has been a most interesting week, filled with interesting news and papers and people and conversations.
the dictionary definition of interesting is as follows:
engaging or exciting and holding the attention or curiosity.

however, i also have my own definition, which is something like:
interesting - a word you use when you don't know how to respond.
that's basically where i'm at on some points. not necessarily in a bad way, mind. just in a curious way. like: hm, don't know quite how i feel.

nevertheless, i had a grand time at rehearsals this weekend.
[although my tye-dye shirt is ugly as all heck.]

i hate roadkill.
for some reason i always look at roadkill.
it makes me shudder every time.

i often sing the praises of rosie thomas. i like "wedding day" currently. that's some days, in a nutshell.
also really loving this old 70's song "Longer." not at all connected to rosie thomas, just found it on a random collection of songs compiled by Hallmark, and entitled "Free Spirit."
yes, the title is what nabbed me. i'll admit. a lot of the songs are good, but "Your So Vain" makes me nauseous. no thank you.

what is this waiting game we play?

i'm inclined to join

because i know that i'm waiting for something really amazing.

[right...?]

but what do i sacrifice to wait?

i can't have the mindset that i'm waiting for life to really kick in.

because that's been done before

and ended disastrously, as we know.

it's this balance

[as all things are]

of waiting for that thing

but also accepting the here and now

and not only accepting but embracing

while still preparing.

and that's where i'm at,

i think.

waiting

and embracing.

-christina

thirty.nine.

We don't know his name.
Telling stories of nameless people is far more difficult, because we associate a name with a story and a life. Those without names, such as the people in line at the grocery store or the driver in the car next to us, are often forgotten.
But those without names have their stories written in the lines of their face
and the calluses on their hands
and the way they rub their left knee when it rains.
Occasionally, a face sticks out and takes longer to forget.
Suddenly you'll think of it, the face will flash in your mind. While you're washing dishes or waking up from a dream it'll come to you, a small thread of thought you can't quite hold onto.
Our mystery man has this sort of face.
But it's hard to tell the story of the man with the glasses and the hair in his eyes who wears a smoking jacket type of blazer, because this would then be called:
"The man with the glasses and the hair in his eyes who wears a smoking jacket type of blazer's story."
So we will call him Humphrey,
and this,
ergo,
will be "Humphrey's Story."
_________________________

Ireland - Spring 2009

yesyes i do hope so. costs are beginning to go up, passport, various shots and such, but plans are underway.

i just need to figure out who i'm going with. [going solo sounds like muchas fun, but is merely a lofty dream.]

-christina

thirty.eight.

some things never change.


-christina

thirty.seven.

someone is on a roll!
that's me.
i'm very near forty posts.
forty is a big number.

sometimes [ok, a lot of times] i get into my car [and by my car i mean the family car] and i see that i have over half a tank of gas, and i think that i will just head out. drive somewhere. anywhere. mostly somewhere west, because i've never ever been west.
i think this thought very often.
the temptation to follow through is very strong.
[but i know i'm all talk.]

if i'm feeling melodramatic, i think that i know exactly how Caleb Trask feels.
today is not one of those days.

what about bangs?
did i already ask that?
i'm thinking i'll go for it.
you only live once.
plus lauren says it'll work for me because i have a big forehead.
awesome?

today: did some yard work whilst listening to the ipod.
i've categorized playlists on the ipod by color.
color = certain emotion or time.
for instance...
red: bold, fierce, sassy.
music choices in red:
upbeat, rockin' tunes, including some pop numbers that i never would admit i know all the words to.
yellow: mellow, sweet tunes.
driving tunes, and in today's case, yard work tunes.
"brighter than sunshine" is a great yard work song.
as is some goo goo dolls.
i need to put more colors on.

would the wind be at my back?
could i get you off my mind?
this time...

anyhow, i know there was more that i'd wanted to say, but we'll save it for another time.
i'll be seeing you.

-christina

thirty.six.

"Ever After" is such a wonderful movie. I haven't seen in it such a long while.

i never ever look at my blogger home page. is this wrong?

Confession:
Usually when I go to Barnes & Noble and I know that I'm only going to be there for around 1/2 hour I don't spend that precious time browsing about looking at intelligent books and such. I head straight for the magazine rack and pick up a selection of wedding magazines, beauty magazines and current events. Once in a while I'll look at crazy crochet magazines and dream up ways I could make reversible sweaters.
Anyhow, the other day was such a day, and I picked up such a selection. One of the beauty magazines I was looking at was completely chock-full of how to stay younger longer.
I'm not kidding, I think every single page had at least one item on it that was all about anti-aging, and every article revolved around that subject as well. It's all very disappointing. The editor made a note that said something like: "I like to think that I'm not crazy about anti-aging. I just don't think that aging means that I'll let my hair go gray, wear orthopedic shoes and all that."
I'm sorry.
I thought aging was a...
oh rats. how should i put this?
Natural process?
Maybe I'm just confused.
For the record:
I'll try my hardest to steer clear of orthopedic shoes and elastic waistbands for as long as I can, however I'm fairly certain they are inevitable.
I know I'll be one of the old ladies in the locker room at Harper after a good round of water aerobics traipsing about in silk underwear and talking about Dr. Scholls and the best way to beat indigestion after dinner.
I will let the lines on my face show, so you'll see how I've laughed with you and worried for you for so many years.
I'll let the gray come out in my hair, and I'll grow it long and braid it.
I'll wear skirts with elastic waistbands to compromise.
And I'll paint my toe nails red before I stick them in my orthopedic shoes.
It's easy to say this all when I'm young, here and now.
However, I will stand strong in my conviction.

Nose piercing = more of a possibility. Don't be surprised.
[i will also wear my nose-piercing when I am old.]

I fail at homework.

pleasepleaseplease
stand strong.

-christina

thirty.five.

something i find very disorienting:

walking in the men's bathroom.
a thousand thoughts fly through my head in a moment.
first, casual thoughts.
"oh, i didn't know they repainted."
"wow, the layout is different."
"since when did they install a urinal?"
then, frantic thoughts.
"ah! i hope no one is in here!"
"ah! i hope no one walks in here!"
"ah! i hope no one sees me walk out of here!"
very disorienting.
and funny.

The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous
feeling of the words being there, written in
invisible ink, and clamoring to become visible. [Nabokov]

dear hall weavers:
please
do us all a favor.
get off your cellphone and walk.
harper is full of people who text and walk
and are all over the place
run into doors
run into me
cause mass pandemonium.

music has expanded. currently checking out jimmy eat world, wilco, dave matthews band and the john butler trio.

took a run today. almost died. i prefer dancing/frolicing for a cardio workout.

-christina

thirty.four.

none of these are for you.
[let's go down to beautiful. so alive when i'm with you.]

[don't be a rooper, rooper...]

[i came along. i wrote a song for you. and all the things you do. and it was called yellow.]

[long to say this in your ear, i'll love you that way.]

[in a bullet-proof vest, with the windows all closed...]

[one thing i ask and i will seek]

[i like your sundress. what about the girl with loneliness?]

[ch-ch-ch-changes...]

[cold. cold water. surrounds me now. and i can't let go of your hand.]
all of these are for you.

i just had to clarify. sometimes people read this and think i'm writing for them.
now you know that...
i'm a walking contradiction [?]
with an obsession for melodramatic song lyrics.
or perhaps mentally insane.

hi.
i think it would be alright.
what do you think?

i wish i could be one hundred percent straightforward with you.
skip the mystery and complexity.
i really do long for simplicity, yet sometimes i find myself leaning towards the complicated.
to write simply. to live simply. to love simply. to trust simply. to hope simply.
simply. sincerely.
however:
straightforwardness occasionally equals too much talking.
some things are better left unsaid.
[so i use brackets. ha.]
i need to find that delicate balance.
simple + straightforward + sincere = sure success.

i'm very much enjoying the new ipod, despite the difficulties i've encountered.
at least i have music.
that's all that really matters.

well. i bought some shorts. this is good news.
however, funding for ireland has decreased considerably, what with shorts and gas for cars and that cinnabun.

today is my father's birthday. he is 42.
happy happy birthday.

today i gave a speech on my Aunt Noelle.
i loathe speech-giving.

o... dash it all. i need a haircut. snip snip. i don't know how short i'll go.

talked to Kayla! on the phone.
it was veryvery nice.
and long overdue.

jazz class in 1/2 hour.
ballet + jazz + choreographing = fitness results.
hallelujah.
this is motivating.

(Hello Goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello
(Hello Goodbye Hello Goodbye) hello hello

things have been surprisingly good. better, even.
it's much better.

(Hello Goodbye) I don't know why you say goodbye
(Hello Goodbye) I say goodbye.

-christina

thirty.three.

i was doing some thinking of sorts here before bed.
my father asked me on our breakfasting where i could see myself in 5 years.
after thinking on it, i realized that i couldn't see myself doing sign language.
sign language is so very time consuming, and in 5 years i could be busy and married, and thinking of starting a family.
so. fall plans are beginning to be the in works.
i must say i'm excited.
just on the edge of my seat.
but also disappointed.
because i really enjoy sign language, but honestly just don't see how it's all going to work out. i was planning on taking off the fall anyhow, because i need my associates before i can get my interpreting certificate. but now... maybe no certificate at all.
sign language just has such interesting people.
especially this lady named veronica.
there's one in every class.
first: candycane.
second: tim
currently: veronica, who is writing a story about a man who is cursed to be a spirit, so he's searching for a new body to be in. first, though, he must find a virgin who is willing to be with him despite his spirit body. meanwhile, his arch enemy is searching for a weapon of magical powers to kill the spirit man, because he himself loves the virgin. also because the spirit man accidentally killed an elder 780 years ago.
forgive the french, but i think there is a need to quote veronica word for word. it's good to note that the following was said without any prompting or questions on what she was scribbling:
"i started writing this story a few years ago. i've tried again and again to throw it away, put it out of my mind, but i just can't seem to do it. i've ripped it up and thrown it out and just put it away in a drawer and tried to forget about it, but each time i do, sooner or later it just comes and sticks itself up my ass again. i'm up all night writing, but i can't figure out what the hell to write about. i've sat for hours trying to figure out what kind of weapon the one guy is going to find. i know it needs to be magical, i just can't decide..."
this rambling continued for at least several minutes nonstop. i was dying.
then her phone rang, and she started talking to her mom in Japanese. it was like some bizarre dream.

also today, i met the infamous peter parker. what an awesome day.

to do:
ask the old ladies from water aerobics for recipes.

not to do:
give up on "persuasion."
[am continuing to be jane austen poser. will seek to destroy such a title.]

-christina

thirty.two.

::a short note on the bracket::

there is something so interesting about the bracket.
i never use it correctly.
i know how it's supposed to be used
as in:
"[Mr. Henry] said that he would love to come to dinner."
Instead of saying "He"
because no one knows who he is.
So you stick him in brackets.
i guess that's one way to use a bracket.

however.

i use brackets in a less traditional way.
perhaps you've noticed.
quite often i use them as parentheses
[because they just look neater.]
sometimes i use them as something different altogether.
i sort of feel that if i put something in brackets
i almost never said it.
it's like a whisper that is written.
it's like a secret
or something i'm too shy/afraid to say aloud
or alone.
so i use my brackets.

the end.

-christina