eleven

it's raining out. Harper is much emptier than a normal wednesday at 12:10. A lot of people must be gone for Thanksgiving, everyone in the world except for my teachers.

things i am discovering:
sometimes i don't mind sleeping with socks on.
mustard is good.
everyone discusses/relates to the idea of human connection.

that last one? it's really beginning to blow my mind.
for years my dad has taught me that as humans we have a knowledge of God without ever being taught about him, simply because we have an unexplained desire to connect that is never filled with anything here on earth.
interestingly enough, harper classes are subconciously teaching this same exact thing, or at least showing how it is evident from hundreds of years ago until today.
in theatre class we were discussing playwrights, and how the most common theme was the fundamental human question. how do we connect with each other?
in art class the teacher was discussing how in art we see loneliness and love combined, we are never full with one person. the more we are with them, the more we are aware that we will never know them and they will never know us. we will never know perfect completeness, and yet we still strive.
in literature, so many writers discussed this same fundamental human question. our connections. how do we connect? how do we fill this longing?
all of this was coming together at the same time, and i was almost surprised to see how obvious throughout history and today that we feel the need to connect, to share. movies, song lyrics. how is life worth living without someone to spend it with? i just saw Cabaret at Harper [i wouldn't recommend it] and that was one of the lines. The German/Jew man said to his love something like "I want to be with you. For what is life if you have none to live it with?"
And yet no one is asking the question why? Why are we filled with this longing, throughout history, today?

so that's been on my mind a bit.

-christina

ten

this might be just a half a post, but i'll call it ten anyhow.

2 quick thoughts:

1. heard on the radio about Christmas gift giving. a woman was complaining that her husband always got her kitchen gadgets and never diamonds.
after some serious thinking, i'm pretty sure i'd take a kitchen gadget over diamonds any day.
i just... really dislike diamonds. engagement rings are one thing, but random diamond earrings and diamond drop necklaces... there are a lot more creative things you could get.
like cookie sheets. measuring cups. juicer. this is not sarcasm, mind you.

2. Read this for homework today. it made me laugh.
"Take a woman's head, stuff it with a smattering of philosophy and literature chopped small, and with false notions of society baked hard, let it hang over a desk a few hours every day, and serve up hot in feeble English, when not required."
George Eliot on women novelists...

Alright then. Back to homework. I hope you are having a lovely day.

-Christina

nine

long days and nights.
tonight you can paint me melancholy, i think.
just kidding, i just checked that on dictionary.com
"a gloomy state of mind"

so. not gloomy.
the more i turn it over in my mind,
i find really dislike that word.
nothing near gloomy.
but not an antonym of either.
somewhere in the middle.
somewhere around tired.
weary. weary of mind.

i worry for you.
too much.
"you" encompasses more than just you, in fact.
"you" is a lot.
in fact, there's probably a lot of you who would never think that you would be part of that group.
but i can't help it.
i see you.
i worry for you.

working sound for the show is interesting.
there's a lot that i see and hear.
at times, amusing.
often, encouraging.
other times, disappointing.
so many wonderful people

[blindblindblind.
but aren't we all?
those things...]

my feet are cold.
i need to regain some hope.
honesty: sometimes i really let things get to me.
so. i shall try to not let things get to me.
finals are coming up soon, unbelievably soon.
projects start just around the corner.
can you believe it?
things have flown by.

i feel a lot steadier, after this semester, of what i want to pursue.
slowly, i'm feeling more sure of my footing.
it's fantastic!

how are you?

-christina