twenty.six.

I completely redact anything i have ever said about snow/winter being awful.

it's just the best at this very moment.

honestly, the biggest snowflakes i've ever seen.

i just walked outside to stand in the snow.
harper is all a buzz, but as soon as i step out it's as if the world was silenced.
so very very quiet, it took a moment to distinguish noises at all, just like adjusting to darkness after being in the sunlight.
after a moment i heard the quiet hum of machines in the buildings, heaters or whatnot.
several moments later i could even begin to hear the soft pat of the snow hitting the sidewalk.

i can stand without sundresses and flip-flops for the time being...

-christina

twenty.five.

what would you do if i said it out loud?

...in a bullet proof vest
with the windows all closed...

here it is: i'm letting my guard down.

this has been an insane week, what with school and interning for the show and all. it's show week, i haven't gotten a lot of sleep. i say that as if i've been working hard, but a lot of the late nights have to do with talking or singing or walking on a field of ice. it's been a typical show week, filled with it's own lovely times and drama and sadness and nostalgia.

winter is nice, but i'm looking forward to flip-flops and sundresses soooo much right now.

iiiii would like an ipod. i used to think i couldn't think of 500 songs to fill up my little 2GB mp3 player but I was very, very wrong. however, i don't think this is a case of nothing-will-ever-be-good-enough. i'm not going to need some ridiculously expensive deal with enough space to store 20 movies. just a couple thousand songs... that should do it. i'll need to do some saving up, but that'll take money out of my ireland fund which is no good.

there is this one song i've fallen particularly in love with, just for the strings at the end. "Amie" by Damien Rice. Maybe you should listen to it. If you spread your arms out wide, you can feel the music in your fingertips, i guarantee it.

there's been a lot of wedding talk lately, just because us girls like discussing weddings. rachel is especially fun to talk wedding talk with. she gives us the best moral advice slash tidbits of wisdom. it's hilarious. she's honest and realistic, but always has encouraging things to say. the most common one is "but seriously guys, being married is the best." you can see her saying it, can't you?
i've been listening to the finding neverland soundtrack a bit lately, and with all this wedding talk i've picked my entire wedding ceremony music out using just the soundtrack. i kid you not. it will be fantastic and magical.

i need shoes to go with my formal dress.
i'm poor.
maybe i'll just go barefoot. or in my galoshes.

i should get to bed so that i can be top notch for ballet tomorrow [which was a bit better last week, by the way].
sleep well. i'll see you soon.

-christina

twenty.four.

you know what's embarrassing?
ballet class, that's what.
honestly, there are people in a beginning
[did you get that? i'll say it again]
BEGINNING
ballet class
and they have taken...
i don't know...
18 years of ballet.
is this fair?
i think not.
so whilst some of us are stumbling through simple combinations
[and i do mean stumbling]
they gracefully and perfectly lift lovely feet and dainty hands
as if they've been doing this all their life...
oh wait.
they have.
furthermore!
they stand in the back, making beginners and stumblers
like myself
stand front and center.
it's laughable, really.
though quite unfair.
i haven't felt so awkward since i was 15 and gangly.
however. i maintain some hope that someday i'll be like that.
balancing and leaping and detailed footwork all as easy as breathing.
until then...

in slightly more uplifting news i got a 100 for my first speech.
[i think she gave everyone 100, so this is not incredibly amazing, but still noteworthy.]

today is love is the movement.
i wrote love on my arm.

i need to go and finish a booku of homework, and i will listen to some musica.
have yourself a smashing day.

-christina

p.s. i'd like to read "persuasion" next, if only because of "the lake house."

twenty.three.

Tonight I feel a little low and broken.
It's just tonight, sort of an avalanche of things and I got all twisted up inside of them, and now I feel like the people who get caught underneath an avalanche and can't tell up from down, arms from legs.

2 nights ago i had some sad dreams and woke up crying. it's such an odd feeling, relief because it's not true, but these dream fragments hang on like cobwebs and i couldn't completely shake them off yesterday or today. dreams are funny like that. sometimes hard to forget.
today our car broke down. it'll survive. we're just stranded at CLA until the tow truck finds some free time, and that's where i'm at now.

it's late and i'm tired and all of a sudden every issue seems large and foreboding and insurmountable.
sometimes i have problems with trusting.
and patience.
like now.
i've always had this independent streak, and now i just want to go out... figure things out.
be wrong and be right and seek God and wisdom and work and school.
that's where i'm at now.
tonight.
sometimes i get tired of hearing how awful our culture is, what terrible places we're going to...
i'm having a hard time finding hope.
tonight.

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

i debate with myself about entries such as this.
sometimes i stumble.
i think that's important to write about as much as polka-dot galoshes.

-christina