3.29.2011

one hundred. seventy eight.

The strangest day so far.
I'll blame it on last night. About to go to sleep when I decide to take a swig of the water bottle sitting next to the bed.
You know those cleaning commercials when it makes the "DUN DUN DUN DUN" noise, that frightening music, followed by the screeching sound when you glimpse the pawprint from Fido on your carpet?
Tell me you know what I mean.
In any case, that was going through my head as I was taking delicious gulps, then glanced down at the bottle to see dainty, fluffy little clumps of mold clinging to the sides and floating around.
Who knew mold could grow in a water bottle?!
I warned my sister to check my vital signs every few hours and tried to sleep.
Woke up this morning feeling especially groggy. Went to work, thankful that it was a short shift, and thankful it was Tuesday. Tuesdays are unusually uneventful.
The day is going on merrily, until about 8:30 when crazy man walks in.
I knew immediately and instinctively that he would be crazy.
I'm making friendly small talk with the police officer who always gets a honey latte. I tell crazy man I'll be right with him. Crazy man walks right up to the counter and asks me how my morning has been.
"...It's been good, thanks, how has your morning been?"
"Not good. Just got a seat belt ticket. And I have no money. But I'm not going to let it ruin my day."
"Good plan."
Personally, I would never discuss tickets in front of a police officer, seems like some sort of faux pas, but this guy seems to have no problem. The police officer gives me a sympathetic glance, then takes his latte and walks out the door. I silently rage at being left alone with crazy man.
Crazy man asks for a small coffee in a large cup, so that he can put a load of cream in. Not that I'm counting, but it's a decent 10 oz. of cream he throws in there.
He makes random requests, a phone book, switch cups, put the phone book back he forgot he had his own, etc. He is disoriented.
He sits with his phone book and begins to make calls with his phone on speaker. He is calling pharmacies. I surmise that he might potentially be off his meds. He puts his phone down for a second and then suddenly, literally SUDDENLY is asleep. Passed out. In his sleep he twitches and takes off his shoes.
I tell my boss and random customers that he is probably just conducting a social experiment to see if we will kick him out.
I laugh loudly, bang pitchers on the counter and yell "GOODBYE" to customers as they leave.
No response.
My boss doesn't want to kick him out, she is a little scared of him.
He is startled and wakes up, strangely not at any point that I was making noise. In waking up he dumps his creamy coffee all over the floor. He then places his foot, sock only, right in the middle of the puddle and goes back to sleep.
We make Paul, the manager from the other side, go and wake him up and tell him we need to clean up his mess.
He apologizes profusely, but I suspect he is still asleep by the drooling he is doing as he's talking. We encourage him to go to the bathroom and splash some water on his face. He agrees, but not before taking off his soaked socks, putting on his shoes and leaving his socks on the floor behind him.
We clean everything up.
He comes back out, apologizes again, buys another coffee and then leaves, but not before jumping from sitting in his car to checking his trunk multiple times.
Glen - the man who sits in the computer tech window we have in our coffee shop - says that I attract crazy people, because I am crazy.
Thanks Glen.
We then have a jolly conversation about social experiments and he gives me a piece of chocolate.
So, all in all...strange times.
Anyhow, currently I'm hoarding a table at Panera during the lunch rush, so I'm feeling some guilt. I should probably get up and let some old friends sit here and catch up. I also should spy on the delicate drawing the man in front of me is doing in blue pencil. I've been craning my neck to catch a glimpse.

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