My biology teacher is making us all do a diet diary for a week, writing down not only calories but fat, saturated fat, sugars, fiber, carbs, sodium and protein.
This is turning every meal into quite the ordeal. [unintentional rhyming.]
Not only do I feel guilty when I've downed three Oreos after lunch and I'm giving Nutella longing glances an hour later, but I also have to add up everything I eat.
Example: Yesterday I wanted a tuna sandwich. I need to measure portions and then tally up all the above points for the tomato, bread, tuna, salt, mayo, mustard and cheese. Ridiculous.
I'm about ready to just give up on eating for the rest of the week.
I've also started looking at foods to see which ones only have five ingredients, because I was reading a book about how you should only eat foods with 5 ingredients.
This would eliminate some of my diet.
Especially Oreos.
I have been positively awful at blogging and journaling. I don't know how my days seem so short, I'm only taking 2 classes and yet my homework load seems strangely overwhelming when combined with work, family & friends. I wish I did have time to write, it seems I have a lot to write about. Someday when I publish my memoirs/coffee shop book, you'll know.
Current other things that occupy my time besides homework/work would be my ukulele that I've been trying to learn how to play [wretched strumming patterns are confusing], a trip to Nashville where I had my first shot of tequila and left with an LP from The Civil Wars which I have been fairly obsessed with. Also, spending my time with this charming chap named Alex. It's a good story, I'll tell you sometime.
I've been thinking too. Drives to work and school and friends leave time for lots of thinking - I end up wishing more came out of it, something with a forward motion.
& I'm thinking about being empty.
There are good connotations to this - emptying yourself for another and such.
Being empty might be better than being full, i.e. full of oneself or too complacent and satisfied so that you no longer hunger.
One thing I'm frightened of is empty words.
They hang there after I've said them and hold no weight, even float away.
When I grab her arm and say "I'll be praying for you."
Do those words hold meaning or do I just say them because we say these things?
When I look at you & say "I'm sorry," am I really?
When I express love or sorrow, are my words reflecting true feelings and initiative or seem listless and shallow?
Even as customers walk out the door with their coffee at the shop, and I send them off with a "Have a good day!" I'd like to mean that too. I earnestly want them to have a good day. I want to earnestly love and sorrow and apologize and pray, want my words to hold meaning and weight.
You know?
1 comment:
The last paragraph is my favorite. I know all about that game we play.
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