I'm still disoriented by the light in the early mornings. My brain is so used to the quiet, darkness of winter dawn. I know just when I've gotten used to this brightness it'll switch back, and I'll be groggy and confused. For now, I wake in a panic. It must be so late! But no, that early morning glow is the sweetest assurance that I have 7 minutes left to lay in a peaceful doze.
The downside to this is that the sun is right in my eyeballs as soon as I open up shop. I force customers to stand in such a way to block the blinding light. They are usually obliging enough, but there are those early morning folks who haven't had their coffee and truly can't comprehend anything quite yet. So I blink furiously and hope that I give them the right change back.
[Such a great thing to remember where I stashed a bar of dark chocolate.]
I have been reading more & writing less.
Working more too - at the coffee shop and here at home. We're moving a few rooms around and packing up millions of books to put them in different places. I could Hulk out at any moment with the strength I've gotten from toting around boxes of books. If you're looking to pick a fight, look elsewhere.
Perfect weather today. I read a bit under a tree. Looked back at my journal and found this from 4.24, just after Arkansas:
I crave the light
so I turn myself out of doors.
I need some space to stretch my arms.
"You look so refreshed," said Joe today.
"I am."
Something about camping and climbing leaves me feeling full
& longing
which is always the best place to be.
Other old journal bits - some of the words aren't mine, just things I wanted to remember:
//Ebbing, I've been swept
down the wrong way.
The water is descending so I'll have to
beat myself bloody
to get back to you.
I should.
But I'm weak & lazy.
And I find myself instead wanting to crawl back
to when we didn't have to be holy.
Just happy.
We just had to make each other laugh.
//And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul.
Do not be afraid.
"Too long we have been waiting for one another to begin!... Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby Christian world, we will dare to trust our God, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts." -C.T. Studd.
Wondering lately about why all I do with some truths is defend them staunchly when attacked, but then the rest of the time act like they aren't even there.
Sometimes I read the back of books, and while sitting there, begin to read because it is a book for stillness.
Other times I read the back and the first few lines and tuck it away. It's a train and traveling book. It must read moving and in new places.
[We taught each other to see beauty long ago. Now we find ourselves overwhelmed by it, missing it. Always, I see the hunger in your eyes.]
& what if we stopped asking what would fulfill us?
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