Christmas was an exceptionally good one. Everyone in my family was far too generous, my Mom cried at her gift [yessss] & merry times were had by all. The family from Tennessee was up for a few days which was bittersweet. So sad they don't live closer, although Tai and I now are filled with good intentions to visit them for an extended stay.
Also, the cousins came up for Christmas Eve and we had the most hilarious evening. First, Tai, Liz, Bethany & I played the funniest game of LIFE I have ever played. I can't even explain why, but we didn't even finish the game because we were crying too hard.
We also decided to keep with tradition and watch old family videos of past Christmas Eve "shows" we would do for our parents. I'm sure I have talked often enough about how nerdy and awkward I was when I was younger....but seriously. I literally have never seen anyone with a haircut like the one I was sporting.
Lastly, Bethany decided to ask us a series of questions about kissing and how it works because she had seen two people kissing in a movie. It was one of those conversations with young children where they are full of curiosity & unbarred by social standards and norms. This makes for quite an interesting conversation, full of unheard of perceptions & ideas about proper kissing techniques. Needless to say, this will be a good conversation to remind Bethany of in about 5 years.
Chris got me a box set of 6 C.S. Lewis books I didn't have. I'm excited to work my way through them. Already through "A Grief Observed" which was insightful and a bit surprising. I also received a Johnny Flynn record, a Coldplay record, various gift cards and a pair of headphones that are not earbuds. What do you call them? I don't even know, they cover my ears and are chunky. I like them.
I just tried to eat a massive bite of potato and almost split my jaw open. It still hasn't quite recovered from my extremely hardcore [not really] sledding accident a few weeks back. This should be teaching me to eat like a lady, but so far I still try to manage enormous bites and suffer painful consequences. Dash it all.
The day after Christmas was the most depressing day. I always have issues with the day after Christmas. All of the gifts and family and eating make me quite languid the next day. I also come to the sad realization that Christmas is now so far away. I remember distinctly feeling this way for the first time years ago, right after the Christmas where I got my "Walk to Remember" soundtrack. No matter how many times Mandy Moore sang Only Hope, nothing would ever compare to the moment when I opened it, because then I was joyful and glowing, and the day after I was obese, wearing my baggiest clothes and too overwhelmed with Christmas to do anything but sit and listen to the soundtrack over and over.
[We can just slide right over the fact that I was totally obsessed with that soundtrack for years and still occasionally play it in my car.]
Anyhow, now I'm back to work and getting my life moving again. I've been working like a mad person on our attic, trying to get it ready for Tai and I to move our beds up there so we can make our room more functional for crafts, writing, homework, dance parties, etc. Right now it's a bit cramped.
One of my favorite customers, Jeremy, was in writing his book at the coffee shop all this week.
He says it's a science fiction novel [did I say this already? I feel like I'm repeating myself...] so we joke that it's a science fiction novel about baristas.
He's secretly writing about us.
We try to give him some material to go off of.
If no one else is in the coffee shop I'll randomly yell at my boss "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU STOLE THE FAMILY JEWELS!"
Then I remember it's science fiction so I add something stereotypical like "...AND SOLD THEM TO THE ALIENS!!"
We get a kick out of ourselves.
Jeremy told me if he ever makes it, he'll give me a copy of his book.
Never really worry for a bit
Sometimes it feels worse than it really is
You may always be changing your mind
Just push hard for the finish line.
12.30.2010
12.22.2010
one hundred. sixty three.
I should never be allowed to enter a department store alone.
I wander aimlessly, filled with good intentions mixed with an impulsive consumer drive.
Today it was Walmart.
I had two things to pick up: curtain rods and dog food. I can usually tear myself away from clothes, shoes, electronics, etc... Not too much of a problem. My self-control is exceptional.
However, do not put me in home goods.
Alone and defenseless I will muse thoughtfully over cutting boards, compare pillows, browse sheets, inspect comforters, sniff candles and gaze longingly at can openers, spatulas and other kitchen doo-dads.
There is not much rhyme or reason behind this.
I do not have a home of my own.
I can't attribute my interest to the high-quality offered.
And yet I find myself shocked and sorely tempted when I round the corner and find FLEECE THROWS: 2 FOR $3!
I run my hand along the soft, patterned blanket and wonder at such a deal, regardless of the fact that we have close to 83...trillion blankets in our house.
It could be even more.
I lost count after we stocked up on blankets and cheese powder in preparation for Y2K. Thankfully we didn't need them, but we still haven't quite recovered. The cheese powder is gone, but the blankets have remained, even multiplied after moving to a bigger house.
No, I didn't buy any blankets today.
This does not lessen the danger of me in a home goods section. Today I might be able to walk away, but next time will I come home with a down alternative comforter? A variety of kitchen knives? Olive oil bottles?
It's a real problem.
Went to the city yesterday with a merry gang, including newly engaged Jacbo & Jenna.
Lauren, Tai and I were positively gushing the whole day through.
It's good to see things that are right, and they are right.
Another [lesser] reason I am excited: road trip for the wedding. I'm not sure if Daphne [my little Honda] will make the whole trip, but let's cross our fingers and hope so. I automatically link driving to music, so my mind involuntarily begins making playlists for the drive. It will be grand. I'm banning Alabama from the playlist, Taylor. Also, Bon Jovi.
Need to get back to making an enormous amount of Christmas gifts.
Truth: I'll probably just go and watch some more documentaries about food. I'm totally hooked.
I wander aimlessly, filled with good intentions mixed with an impulsive consumer drive.
Today it was Walmart.
I had two things to pick up: curtain rods and dog food. I can usually tear myself away from clothes, shoes, electronics, etc... Not too much of a problem. My self-control is exceptional.
However, do not put me in home goods.
Alone and defenseless I will muse thoughtfully over cutting boards, compare pillows, browse sheets, inspect comforters, sniff candles and gaze longingly at can openers, spatulas and other kitchen doo-dads.
There is not much rhyme or reason behind this.
I do not have a home of my own.
I can't attribute my interest to the high-quality offered.
And yet I find myself shocked and sorely tempted when I round the corner and find FLEECE THROWS: 2 FOR $3!
I run my hand along the soft, patterned blanket and wonder at such a deal, regardless of the fact that we have close to 83...trillion blankets in our house.
It could be even more.
I lost count after we stocked up on blankets and cheese powder in preparation for Y2K. Thankfully we didn't need them, but we still haven't quite recovered. The cheese powder is gone, but the blankets have remained, even multiplied after moving to a bigger house.
No, I didn't buy any blankets today.
This does not lessen the danger of me in a home goods section. Today I might be able to walk away, but next time will I come home with a down alternative comforter? A variety of kitchen knives? Olive oil bottles?
It's a real problem.
Went to the city yesterday with a merry gang, including newly engaged Jacbo & Jenna.
Lauren, Tai and I were positively gushing the whole day through.
It's good to see things that are right, and they are right.
Another [lesser] reason I am excited: road trip for the wedding. I'm not sure if Daphne [my little Honda] will make the whole trip, but let's cross our fingers and hope so. I automatically link driving to music, so my mind involuntarily begins making playlists for the drive. It will be grand. I'm banning Alabama from the playlist, Taylor. Also, Bon Jovi.
Need to get back to making an enormous amount of Christmas gifts.
Truth: I'll probably just go and watch some more documentaries about food. I'm totally hooked.
12.20.2010
one hundred. sixty two.
Whenever I first show my Dad music, he doesn't like it.
It's not until the third or fourth time I play an artist that he begins to go: "Hey, who is this? I like this."
It's a process.
Now he enjoys Mumford & Sons.
Anyhow, tonight we went to the Crepe place.
I love crepes.
Especially dessert crepes with warm berries and chocolate.
I also had escargot for the first time. As far as I know, Escargot is cooked snails.
Yum?
It actually wasn't bad. It was served with a pesto-y kind of sauce, lots of garlic.
& do you know that the snow was just perfect tonight?
Well, it was.
The best way to beat over-eating during the holidays is to go sledding with friends on a hill of ice and grass, fall dramatically and hit your face on the ice.
Your jaw will be sore for days, making it completely impossible to enjoy large, delectable Christmas cookies and treats.
You will only be able to mash up grapes and eat them like a baby.
I do not speak from personal experience because I am as graceful as a lark and would never do something like fall on a hill of ice.
It's not until the third or fourth time I play an artist that he begins to go: "Hey, who is this? I like this."
It's a process.
Now he enjoys Mumford & Sons.
Anyhow, tonight we went to the Crepe place.
I love crepes.
Especially dessert crepes with warm berries and chocolate.
I also had escargot for the first time. As far as I know, Escargot is cooked snails.
Yum?
It actually wasn't bad. It was served with a pesto-y kind of sauce, lots of garlic.
& do you know that the snow was just perfect tonight?
Well, it was.
The best way to beat over-eating during the holidays is to go sledding with friends on a hill of ice and grass, fall dramatically and hit your face on the ice.
Your jaw will be sore for days, making it completely impossible to enjoy large, delectable Christmas cookies and treats.
You will only be able to mash up grapes and eat them like a baby.
I do not speak from personal experience because I am as graceful as a lark and would never do something like fall on a hill of ice.
12.16.2010
one hundred. sixty one.
Today a man sat in a leather chair in the coffee shop, talking to his friend.
He slowly slid down until half his body was off the chair, his butt hanging off the edge, his head squashed into his shoulder, neck completely gone.
His arms hung limply over the edge, as if useless and attached only by small pins, like a marionette someone had just dropped on the chair.
It was a funny thing.
He was also talking in a different language, which made the whole situation more interesting to observe.
Today I dropped a pitcher on the ground.
[Typical.]
I was serving a man coffee and my elbow just knocked it right off the counter.
The man took his coffee, and then said "Good luck. We're all rooting for you."
It was a funny thing.
That was the same man who came in before he'd had his coffee, and said in all seriousness: "Hi, I need a large coffee with cream for room."
"Cream for room?" I repeated.
"Yes, cream for room." He still didn't realize what he was saying.
I got him the coffee with the room and he didn't even realize it until he was about to walk out the door.
"ROOM. FOR. CREAM." He hollered.
It was a funny thing.
He slowly slid down until half his body was off the chair, his butt hanging off the edge, his head squashed into his shoulder, neck completely gone.
His arms hung limply over the edge, as if useless and attached only by small pins, like a marionette someone had just dropped on the chair.
It was a funny thing.
He was also talking in a different language, which made the whole situation more interesting to observe.
Today I dropped a pitcher on the ground.
[Typical.]
I was serving a man coffee and my elbow just knocked it right off the counter.
The man took his coffee, and then said "Good luck. We're all rooting for you."
It was a funny thing.
That was the same man who came in before he'd had his coffee, and said in all seriousness: "Hi, I need a large coffee with cream for room."
"Cream for room?" I repeated.
"Yes, cream for room." He still didn't realize what he was saying.
I got him the coffee with the room and he didn't even realize it until he was about to walk out the door.
"ROOM. FOR. CREAM." He hollered.
It was a funny thing.
12.12.2010
one hundred. sixty.
Treacherous driving today.
The road between my work and my house is mostly in the middle of large, empty fields. This is soothing and lovely in the summer. When it snows it becomes a frozen tundra of danger. Snowbanks are picked up by the wind and place directly in the middle of my lane so that I'm forced to either barrel through and risk my little Honda getting stuck or go in the other lane and risk getting hit head on by an SUV that's still doing 60 mph in the blizzard.
I would rather be riding my bike in Ireland.
White Elephant gifts given thus far:
Crocheted coffee sleeves.
Notecards.
More crocheted coffee sleeves [I'm trying to combine creative with thrifty].
A toy piano.
White Elephant gifts received:
A ceramic Santa
A plastic dolphin cookie jar that makes dolphin noises when you open the lid. Genius.
Clearly, I've got the better end of the deal.
Other things I've been doing with my time:
The road between my work and my house is mostly in the middle of large, empty fields. This is soothing and lovely in the summer. When it snows it becomes a frozen tundra of danger. Snowbanks are picked up by the wind and place directly in the middle of my lane so that I'm forced to either barrel through and risk my little Honda getting stuck or go in the other lane and risk getting hit head on by an SUV that's still doing 60 mph in the blizzard.
I would rather be riding my bike in Ireland.
White Elephant gifts given thus far:
Crocheted coffee sleeves.
Notecards.
More crocheted coffee sleeves [I'm trying to combine creative with thrifty].
A toy piano.
White Elephant gifts received:
A ceramic Santa
A plastic dolphin cookie jar that makes dolphin noises when you open the lid. Genius.
Clearly, I've got the better end of the deal.
Other things I've been doing with my time:
 |
| Part-time Mrs. Claus - spreading some holiday cheer. |
12.10.2010
one hundred. fifty nine.
Lets go walking on a frozen lake.
Yes?
We'll try to hold each other up
But we'll both fall down
And the wind will sweep us away.
[afterwards we can get hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.]
Every morning this past week I've gotten in my car and rocked out to "Down in the Valley" by The Head and the Heart. If my brother heard that song, he would say that it wasn't a song you could rock out to, but I'd have to disagree. There is much rocking out, mostly towards the end. Chris thinks you can only rock out to "Livin' on a Prayer."
Anyhow, so I listen to that whole album over and over again.
I tend to do that.
I'll get stuck on a song/album and listen to nothing else for weeks
Until I get nearly sick of it.
In fact, right now I am listening to "Sounds Like Hallelujah."
Their music makes me want to go on a road trip with Tai and my dog.
Done.
Ugly Sweater Christmas Party tonight
Open Mic night tomorrow night
Storytime with children on Sunday & setting up the tree with family,Chris and his girlfriend.
This season is so busy. I kind of just want to sit and watch Meet Me in St. Louis and eat stacks of holiday cookies.
Yes?
We'll try to hold each other up
But we'll both fall down
And the wind will sweep us away.
[afterwards we can get hot chocolate with extra whipped cream.]
Every morning this past week I've gotten in my car and rocked out to "Down in the Valley" by The Head and the Heart. If my brother heard that song, he would say that it wasn't a song you could rock out to, but I'd have to disagree. There is much rocking out, mostly towards the end. Chris thinks you can only rock out to "Livin' on a Prayer."
Anyhow, so I listen to that whole album over and over again.
I tend to do that.
I'll get stuck on a song/album and listen to nothing else for weeks
Until I get nearly sick of it.
In fact, right now I am listening to "Sounds Like Hallelujah."
Their music makes me want to go on a road trip with Tai and my dog.
Done.
Ugly Sweater Christmas Party tonight
Open Mic night tomorrow night
Storytime with children on Sunday & setting up the tree with family,Chris and his girlfriend.
This season is so busy. I kind of just want to sit and watch Meet Me in St. Louis and eat stacks of holiday cookies.
12.05.2010
one hundred. fifty eight.
Went to the Christmas Parade in my little town yesterday.
Tai and I were probably 2 out of 50 people. Apparently they don't have a huge turnout.
The weather was perfect, though. Lightly snowing. We bundled up in various knitwear and stood on the streets to wave to Santa who traveled to our town on the back of the fire truck.
There was also a marching band, some Siberian Huskies and a police car.
An extravagant event.
I love my little town & my simple life.
Tai and I walked back and talked about how fortunate we were.
At work there is a humorous guy who sits in the corner with his tea and watches what everyone does.
[kind of like something I would do]
He claims that he is going to write a book about all the things that happen in a coffee shop.
[kind of like something I would do]
After a strange customer comes in, or I drop something, or anything noteworthy happens, I look over at him to see if he saw it.
He often does.
Then he'll wave an imaginary pen in the air and shout out: "CHAPTER 23!"
Hilarious.
We've got a lot of chapters. Probably a whole chapter dedicated to things that Tina has dropped on the ground.
At work there is a humorous guy who sits in the corner with his tea and watches what everyone does.
[kind of like something I would do]
He claims that he is going to write a book about all the things that happen in a coffee shop.
[kind of like something I would do]
After a strange customer comes in, or I drop something, or anything noteworthy happens, I look over at him to see if he saw it.
He often does.
Then he'll wave an imaginary pen in the air and shout out: "CHAPTER 23!"
Hilarious.
We've got a lot of chapters. Probably a whole chapter dedicated to things that Tina has dropped on the ground.
11.30.2010
one hundred. fifty seven.
I worked out for the first time in a bit.
Oh, hello muscles in my legs.
Got asked out by a guy at work.
Oh, hello awkward moments and painful rejections.
Forgot to take the cookies out of the oven.
Oh, hello disgusting, black, chocolate chip hockey pucks.
Bob Dylan sings on our Christmas station at work.
Oh, hello to the worst rendition of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" you could ever imagine.
Goodbye world
Hello beautiful slice of tiramisu.
Curled up in our big chair, listening to Iron & Wine and refusing to move my feeble legs until tomorrow morning.
Oh, hello muscles in my legs.
Got asked out by a guy at work.
Oh, hello awkward moments and painful rejections.
Forgot to take the cookies out of the oven.
Oh, hello disgusting, black, chocolate chip hockey pucks.
Bob Dylan sings on our Christmas station at work.
Oh, hello to the worst rendition of "Hark the Herald Angels Sing" you could ever imagine.
Goodbye world
Hello beautiful slice of tiramisu.
Curled up in our big chair, listening to Iron & Wine and refusing to move my feeble legs until tomorrow morning.
11.26.2010
one hundred. fifty six.
I'd like to get all decked out with Dickens and make a goose this year for Christmas.
Don't even try and tell be that wouldn't be a ball.
I've got a recipe all picked out.
This is how I tend to do things.
The first time I have a baking lesson with Hannah we make croissants.
CROISSANTS.
Not only do they take hours to make, they also turn into a disaster very quickly.
Now, the first time I decide I want to make a Christmas dinner I pick a goose with all the trimmings.
Sometimes I can't distinguish between a challenge and setting myself up for disaster.
Went Black Friday shopping with 4 generations of ladies.
My great-grandma, my Meme, my mom & aunt, my cousins & my sister.
Great fun.
I love my family.
We are big and crazy and isn't everyone? Quite wonderful.
I am, however, on a bit of a guilt trip on account of the shopping I did for myself.
I just finished reading that book by Donald Miller where they go on a road trip and find themselves thankful for just cereal.
I don't love everything by Donald Miller, but I do enjoy some things he writes, like when he writes about our need for things...
And here I am. Black Friday. Buying things I don't need the day after Thanksgiving.
Ironic, really.
We spend a day being thankful for the things we have, then wake up early to spend money on things we don't need.
Unless you are like my Meme who only buys gifts for everyone else and splurges on a pair of socks for herself.
That's the spirit.
& not that I'm on some bitter self-loathing trip, it just makes me think about what I have and what I need.
You know?
I've been awake for so long but I'm still not tired.
You up for a midnight game of Battleship?
Nothing sounds as good to me right now as a game of Battleship and a glass of chocolate milk.
11.22.2010
one hundred. fifty five.
I don't know if writing the words of another on this blog counts as an entry, but tonight the words of Oswald Chambers were convicting and timely:
"It is not your devotion to God that makes you refuse to be shallow, but your wish to impress other people with the fact that you are not shallow, which is a sure sign that you are a spiritual prig. Be careful of the production of contempt in yourself, it always comes along this line, and causes you to go about as a walking rebuke to other people because they are more shallow than you are. Beware of posing as a profound person...
To be shallow is not a sign of being wicked, nor is shallowness a sign that there are no deeps: the ocean has a shore... We are so abominably serious, so desperately interested in our own characters, that we refuse to behave like Christians in the shallow concerns of life.
...the greatest fraud you have ever known is yourself."
I'm a scoffer.
I should be sleeping [at 8:15p.m.] but things tend to fill my mind right as I lay down my head. Last night I lay awake for 2 hours before hopping up to get nutella and toast and read. I love reading with toast and nutella, but tonight I'd prefer to sleep.
So. Goodnight then.
11.17.2010
one hundred. fifty four.
& that will be one of the moments
you'll say that you remember.
it's silly
and simple
and strange the reasons we hold on.
||what if i was whole again?
i've been casually flipping through this book called "Indie Publishing." I would love to take on a project outlined in the book, but it all seems so complicated. Besides everything being the craftiest of all books, there are confusing bits about ISBN numbers and copyright laws and all that. I keep looking at pages and then just have to continue flipping through because my mind is so full.
It really just feels like i'm slow.
Those moments pop up every now and again. I'll stare at an object for an extended amount of time grasping in the depths of my mind for what I was supposed to be doing.
Stare at pages in a book about publishing and nothing will be connecting.
Wretched.
I'm too young for my mind to be leaving me.
--here's something i know: some things are best in silence.--
don't we all find beauty in such curious things?
you may find beauty in darkness
or loneliness
or melancholy
or sadness
i might agree. i might see a strange beauty in these things too.
[but i'm convinced there is no beauty to be found in bitterness
& such beauty to be found in longing.]
11.14.2010
one hundred. fifty three.
Thursday-
Work. Train ride down to the city.
Tour of Roosevelt/visit to the gallery, thanks to Jacob.
Elephant & Castle for a proper English dinner of Shepherds Pie and Bread Pudding. Fantastic!
Amusing ride on the red line. Arrive and meet friends for the Johnny Flynn show.
Terrible opening act. Everything typical and awful about twenty year old males.
Good tea.
Lovely music thanks to Johnny Flynn. Would he have been so wonderful if he didn't have a terrible opening act?
yes.
Such lovely folk music, lovely accent and stories.
Forming a mild obsession with folk music.
Got my shirt signed after the show.
Discover shirt is too small. Blast.
Make it home and in bed by 3 a.m.
Finally I sound like I'm 22 and not 83, sitting home and knitting.
Friday-
Strike party and then drinks with the team for HONK. Reminisce. Jolly times.
Saturday-
Went and saw Beauty and the Beast performed in Lake County.
Exquisite dinner, beer and time with friends afterwards.
Stayed up until 2 talking with Sarah about God, boys and living together in England.
Tonight-
Back to being 83. 9:00 and I'm about to call it a night.
this is a good life.
11.09.2010
one hundred. fifty two.
i want to spend one year in the city.
i want to spend it with some spirited folk, probably my sister.
i want to do something every night, big things, little things, parties, trying new restaurants.
i want to shop in the most expensive store.
i want to find the cheapest, dingiest little shops.
i want to see good art, listen to live music on the streets and in smoky bars and under the stars in the park.
i want to discover hidden places, make friends with people who like fine wine.
i want to talk to people, since in the city people look away from you.
i want to take knitting classes in wicker park and walk craft shows, take pilates, take a ride in a carriage around Christmas.
i want to spend one year in the mountains.
i want to spend it, just me and someone with a laugh that is warm.
i want to be tucked away, hiking everyday, snow and rain and sunshine.
i want to learn the trees and flowers and the neighbors a mile away.
i want to bake pies and bread.
i want to read books aloud, roast our toes by the fire.
i want to chop down a tree.
i want to make a quilt.
i want to learn to dance in living room and trip on the carpet.
i want to scream in the forest as loud as i can.
i want to spend one year away.
i want to spend it, just me and someone who can pack light.
i want to spend it away at P.E.I. and Ireland, England and France.
i want to eat food i've never eaten before.
i want to get drunk. just once.
i want to communicate back home only through letters and funny postcards and phones on the streets.
i want to watch foreign movies.
i want to listen to foreign music.
i want to hear old, old stories from old, old men in old, dusty places.
i want to spend it out of doors, on bikes, on foot, on trains, on little boats in big rivers.
i want to do these things & i want to write it all down.
[let's ignore how many times i said "i want..." don't count.]
11.07.2010
one hundred. fifty one.
Just signed up for classes for next semester. Apparently, according to my advisor, I got all my fun, elective classes out of the way at Harper and now have to take stupid classes here, such as biology at 8:30 Friday morning. Nothing says good morning quite like dissecting a pig. Yum.
Something I thought about whilst I was laying in bed last night:
I am constantly searching for ways to make the world better. That's what I do. It's pretty noble of me. For instance, when driving, if everyone paid attention at a red light and we all let go of our brakes at the same time when the light turned green, then we could all move together without anyone obnoxious sitting and picking their nose [totally me...what??]. So simple. Everyone moving together. I realize this sounds frighteningly like utopia, but really it's just common courtesy.
Another thing that would make life better would be if people just acknowledged awkward obvious moments aloud. Rather than blushing and ignoring when you spit on someone, point out that you just spit on someone, laugh about it and move on. Otherwise it hangs between you for the rest of the conversation as you wonder if they noticed that you just projected a huge globule of spittle onto their shoulder.
If someone farts, mention it, let it go. Laugh about it if necessary, cover your nose if necessary, but please don't let that bad air sit there as everyone wonders who did what.
If someone cooks poor food, laugh about it. Eat it anyway. But if we're eating among friends, don't spit the food out into a napkin and then ask for the recipe to be nice. Tell me it is revolting and we'll scrap around for some ice cream to eat instead.
Someone offers you their hand. You wonder if it's a hug or a handshake, and go in for the hug on a whim. It was a handshake. Their hand is trapped between you. Embrace that moment you just shared, accept the fact that it was a bit strange, move on. Remark that it didn't go over as planned. Everyone will feel so much better.
Anyhow. Thoughts that fill my head when I should be sleeping. Implement them into your life and see how much better you fare. Thank me later.
11.05.2010
one hundred. fifty.
I promise that eventually I will stop making the majority of my posts be about Mumford & Sons/their lyrics.
But not yet.
Because their concert, which I went to this last Sunday, was FANTASTIC.
Even though I smelled like cheap beer afterwards because everyone around us was drunk, and even though the girl screaming the lyrics to every song behind me drowned out their voices at times, and even though I didn't have space to turn in a circle, and even though I had to wait for several hours in the unexpectedly chilly weather, it was wonderful. Good friends, questionable food, good hot chocolate, excellent music.
We were two rows back from the stage, but towards the middle of the concert, Tai made her way up to the front rail, inches from the stage. This was done by careful conversation with "Claire-bear" the drunk woman, and "Roy" the emotional fan who may have wiped away a tear or two during the performance. Taylor so kindly gave me her spot for the last song/encore. After the band left the stage I timidly called out for the set list and was given instead the DRUMSTICK.
Yes. Quite a gift. Quite elated.
After all that...I got sick. So this week has been pretty rotten.
But here's something I read & enjoyed recently, the day after the concert to be precise.
"Why shouldn't we go through heartbreaks? Through those doorways God is opening up ways of fellowship with His Son. Most of us fall and collapse at the first grip of pain; we sit down on the threshold of God's purpose and die away of self-pity, and all so called Christian sympathy will aid us to our death bed. But God will not. He comes with the grip of the pierced hand of His Son, and says - "Enter into fellowship with me; arise and shine." If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart."
-Oswald Chambers
...but then also made me think of the night before...
there will come a time you'll see
with no more tears
and love will not break your heart
but dismiss your fears
get over your hill and see
what you find there
with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
-mumford & sons
& both are good in their different ways.
it's good to have purpose.
it's good to have hope.
10.28.2010
one hundred. forty nine.
We have a cat. His name is Gilbert.
Gilbert has no claws and a great personality, even though he can be a bit bipolar.
Gilbert has a orange cat girlfriend. We call her Anne.
Anne likes to come up and steal Gilbert's food that we leave out on the front porch for him.
Anne also has an orange cat friend. That cat is nameless.
Anne invites her orange cat friend to come and eat food too. We'll walk out to the front porch and it will be a little party, Gilbert entertaining his two friends. They are shy, though, and run away. Plus Gil is a terrible host because he sits in the corner sulking.
The word has gotten out to other neighborhood animals that we leave out a decent amount of food.
Bill, the friendly possum, makes his way up our stairs for a little snack on occasion.
Lou, the brave raccoon has surprised me more than one early morning when I walk out at 5 to go to work.
I send Kanoa after him. Lou climbs a tree. I have nightmares of Lou leaping onto me from some low branch on a windy morning. True story.
Anyhow. Life is madness with the show & trying to figure out what I'm doing with school [and my life].
Work stays the same. Met a voice-over actor the other day. I think he was the first voice-over actor I'd ever met [i love my job & meeting people with random professions/interests]. Unfortunately, the market isn't too huge for that kind of specialty so he's working at some world food/decor store. He says he spends all his money on European decor he doesn't need and has no place for instead of being a rich voice-over actor. He also spends his money on White Chocolate Mocha's with an extra shot. I would know.
I had so much more to write about Derek Webb and Oswald Chambers and leaves and paths that you follow. Too tired. Let's chat about it some other time, maybe while listening to music & eating nutella?
10.25.2010
one hundred. forty eight.
why yes, i will make a yellow sweater all by myself.
thank you for asking.
took a run today. this is a case of something i like to call follow-through. rare, but delightful.
I bought a new hat just because.
it was $3.
[must stop spending money!]
I wish I could be one of the 6 items of clothing people.
Give the rest of my clothes away.
Plan a year to spend no money on clothes.
Make all my own clothes.
I also wish I was a nomad.
I think bits & pieces of me are.
I think if I was forced to be a nomad I would excel.
so lets just do it.
wouldn't that be liberating?
To travel according to weather and food, in small communities?
A gypsy.
I could be a gypsy.
Never wash my hair.
I could do that.
But then again I would miss my feet in one place.
I would miss Christmas parties & family
long weekends
a job
but Kanoa could come with me and be my guard dog, so that's good.
Kanoa would make an excellent gypsy.
10.23.2010
one hundred. forty seven.
The interviewer from my last post was hiring guys to hang Christmas lights.
Fascinating.
That goes on the list of odd jobs I don't think about.
Others include people who write fortunes for fortune cookies & bicycle taxi drivers.
Popped some popcorn tonight.
I wonder what a spectacular phenomenon it must have been the first time someone discovered popcorn. That must have been the mystery of the ancient world. Popcorn. First a kernel, then a fluffy little puff. Incredible.
I need to start running again.
10.21.2010
one hundred. forty six.
Sitting in Barnes & Noble.
I'm sitting in cafe section.
I could give the barista here a few good tips on being nice.
This guy is crabby.
That's one downside to being a barista, you can never have a bad day.
If you do, you'd better not let people know.
They don't know how to react.
I know this from real life experience. Tried to tell someone it was a rough weekend, they literally looked away from me. Last time I ever told someone I had a rough weekend while at work.
But really, the more I look at it
life is messy.
life and love and the whole bit.
All so messy.
Sometimes I think I have a plan
or have it all figured out
somehow it shatters
slowly I realize that more things are made of glass than I thought.
Not everything is as it seems.
I'm betting the guy sitting next to me here is getting annoyed by my incessant sniffing. Sorry.
Whoops. Better stop sniffing. He's not got an interview going now about 3 feet from me.
This is interesting.
When describing himself, the interviewee said he definitely had Christmas spirit.
He's a little portly, I wonder if there is a hot-shot Santa position that is open somewhere.
Can no longer concentrate on blogging. Must eavesdrop.
10.18.2010
one hundred. forty five.
My new laptop has a face recognition system.
Now, instead of using a password when I log on, it scans my face.
This brings much excitement in the day-to-day because I get to feel like a spy every time I log on. Feels like I'm about to see some top secret information when I'm going to check my email.
It also has a voice recognition thing where I control the computer with my voice alone. It's very strange. It would be cool & spy-like if it actually understood what I was saying and didn't make bizarre sentences like:
Taylor is faint and lumped by all
when I'm trying to say
Taylor is fat and loathed by all.
Went to the city yesterday.
It was quite exhausting. Or maybe it was just a weary week.
Sometimes I like to think I would do really well living/studying in the city but more and more I am questioning that.
Unless the city was abroad. Maybe in England. Where I was studying for a semester....
[something to think about.]
I bought the Strict Joy songbook, so I am now going to go & play wonderfully melancholy piano music, become brilliant at it, and then wow you with it at some point.
I've decided I'm going to play at some open mic night.
At this point I just figure: why not?
10.13.2010
one hundred. forty four.
hey hey.
What a beautiful day!
After completely losing my mind at work I stepped outside & breathed a sigh of relief.
Drove home
took a solid nap outside
did some knitting
& began to read the 7th Harry Potter over again in expectation of part 1 coming out in November.
You can say it:
I am a nerd.
I hope you spent time outside today too.
We got in a spectacular array of new teas at work.
I'm a huge tea person
as you can maybe see by the title of my blog.
[tea & whimsy]
It was a bit overwhelming though. Find places for tea, display new tea, try new tea...
I love the stressful parts of my job:
"Shoot. Today I have to measure, package & store a bunch of loose-leaf, aromatic delicious teas, and try samples along the way. Kill me now."
life plods along as merrily as always.
i alternate between writing a story & dreaming of fame
lying on my bed, flattened by thoughts of my future
making a mess while trying to cook pasta
dark anxiety
hopehopehope
10.11.2010
one hundred. forty three.
Got a new laptop the other day. I am now officially done spending money. A car. A laptop. This is what grownup people do, so look at me, growing up.
Took Kanoa for a walk in the forest preserve yesterday. She was muddy & in all of her glory. We made her stay still so that Taylor could take a picture. She is sleeping all day today because yesterday wore her out. Old dog.
My great-grandpa passed away this morning. He renewed his wedding vows with my great-grandma last summer at the family reunion. They were married 61 years this year. He was the sort of man you never imagined passing away, because he'd always be doing push-ups at family functions and be out playing golf all the time.
I'm trying to wrap my head around everything that's happened in the past 2 months. It's too exhausting.
But I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
[Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind]
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
[Now let me at the truth
Which will refresh my broken mind]
10.03.2010
one hundred. forty two.
Two things that I have been thinking of lately:
1. How sad it is when I hear people [many of them] discussing how they are looking forward to the weekend. I think there is an alarming amount of people who really just live for the weekend. I can't even count how many times in the coffee shop I see people dragging on Monday, completely cheerless for the start for another week. By the time Thursday rolls around they are living for the weekend. Literally. They live for weekends. That's a sad life when 5 days out of 7 are so dismal.
2. I would love to spend an entire day with a lovely person just listening to music. 16 hours of music straight, sitting somewhere outside, laying down in some grassy area, just listening to music.
Maybe at certain songs we'd jump around.
Or take a nap.
We'd definitely eat.
I can't even begin to explain how much I love music & how much I would love to do that.
That would be a good day.
9.29.2010
one hundred. forty one.
My brother is moving out of his apartment. My sister & I cleaned it for him after he got his stuff out of there.
Signs you are cleaning a bachelor pad:
There is mold in the coffee maker.
There is no food in the fridge except for eggs that expired in July and a random condiment.
There is nothing in the freezer except for 3 bags of cigars.
Oven is very clean, probably because a bachelor doesn't need to cook his protein powder in the oven.
Cleaning products are completely full. Odor eliminator spray, however, is nearly empty.
Laundry detergent completely full. Odor eliminator acts as clothes freshener as well!
So. That was a grimy 2 hours of cleaning.
Signs you are cleaning a bachelor pad:
There is mold in the coffee maker.
There is no food in the fridge except for eggs that expired in July and a random condiment.
There is nothing in the freezer except for 3 bags of cigars.
Oven is very clean, probably because a bachelor doesn't need to cook his protein powder in the oven.
Cleaning products are completely full. Odor eliminator spray, however, is nearly empty.
Laundry detergent completely full. Odor eliminator acts as clothes freshener as well!
So. That was a grimy 2 hours of cleaning.
9.28.2010
one hundred. forty.
you make me want to wear dresses
& wear my hair down.
so let's throw our hands out the window
& drive out of this town.
[see that, i rhymed down with town.
that's called poetry, kids.]
i keep listening to wedding day by rosie thomas and applying it to my life.
I'M going to be carefree & let nothing pass me by never ever again.
I don't have cheap cigarettes in my car
but I'm going to drive under skyline & sunshine
drink good wine in vineyards
& get asked to dance.
it's gonna be so grand.
speaking of driving & cars
I'VE FINALLY FOUND ONE.
actually, it was completely an answer to prayer because while my mom & i were sitting in the coffee shop talking about the struggle to find a car, a customer came up and told me that she was planning on selling her 98 Honda Civic but had not gotten around to it yet. Fast forward a few days and a good review from my mechanic, she accepted my low offer - BOOM BAM. this girl has got a car.
well, tomorrow i will, when she signs it over to me.
beautiful things happen in the coffee shop.
now my mom won't have to wake up at 4:45a.m. to drive to me work every morning.
[sorry mom.]
I've been reading "My Utmost For His Highest" pretty much every day, enjoying it thoroughly. It's very revealing of my misconceptions & preconceived notions regarding my life as Christian and what is expected of me. At the base, it's so much simpler than I allow, but in that it's quite difficult.
I've decided to take some time to read the Bible from cover to cover like I would eat up other books I read. I don't really eat up the Bible, but I'd like to. Usually I just push it around on my plate, count how many bites until the end, chew a morsel for some time. I'd like to stick it in my purse and read it not with the solemn presence of daily devotionals, but as a BOOK, not depreciating it's truth but taking time to appreciate language and history as I would with other books, get wrapped up in people & ideas & emotions. I've never taken time to just READ it without hunting for something or listlessly reading a daily dose, checking it off my list of things to do. You know? Maybe you don't know, but there it is.
there is a design
an alignment
a cry of my heart to see
the beauty of love as it was made to be.
& wear my hair down.
so let's throw our hands out the window
& drive out of this town.
[see that, i rhymed down with town.
that's called poetry, kids.]
i keep listening to wedding day by rosie thomas and applying it to my life.
I'M going to be carefree & let nothing pass me by never ever again.
I don't have cheap cigarettes in my car
but I'm going to drive under skyline & sunshine
drink good wine in vineyards
& get asked to dance.
it's gonna be so grand.
speaking of driving & cars
I'VE FINALLY FOUND ONE.
actually, it was completely an answer to prayer because while my mom & i were sitting in the coffee shop talking about the struggle to find a car, a customer came up and told me that she was planning on selling her 98 Honda Civic but had not gotten around to it yet. Fast forward a few days and a good review from my mechanic, she accepted my low offer - BOOM BAM. this girl has got a car.
well, tomorrow i will, when she signs it over to me.
beautiful things happen in the coffee shop.
now my mom won't have to wake up at 4:45a.m. to drive to me work every morning.
[sorry mom.]
I've been reading "My Utmost For His Highest" pretty much every day, enjoying it thoroughly. It's very revealing of my misconceptions & preconceived notions regarding my life as Christian and what is expected of me. At the base, it's so much simpler than I allow, but in that it's quite difficult.
I've decided to take some time to read the Bible from cover to cover like I would eat up other books I read. I don't really eat up the Bible, but I'd like to. Usually I just push it around on my plate, count how many bites until the end, chew a morsel for some time. I'd like to stick it in my purse and read it not with the solemn presence of daily devotionals, but as a BOOK, not depreciating it's truth but taking time to appreciate language and history as I would with other books, get wrapped up in people & ideas & emotions. I've never taken time to just READ it without hunting for something or listlessly reading a daily dose, checking it off my list of things to do. You know? Maybe you don't know, but there it is.
there is a design
an alignment
a cry of my heart to see
the beauty of love as it was made to be.
9.20.2010
one hundred. thirty nine.
[i wish that you could see what i see.
here.
take my eyes & see the world for a moment the way i do.
look at you the way that i look at you.
here.]
i love early mornings in the coffee shop.
how many times have i written that?
stop by & try my new favorite treat.
a soy latte with honey & real cinnamon swirled in the espresso.
yum. :]]
i spilled coffee all over my shoes today.
that's 3 pairs of shoes with coffee on them now.
a bit ridiculous.
i've been thinking about watches lately.
i've always been against watches
but now i'd really like a vintage watch.
i'm on the hunt for the perfect one.
ho-hum. off to knit.
& watch a movie where claire danes is autistic.
[claire is just such a friendly name.]
no, but seriously, kids, i'm going to knit.
don't try and stop me.
here.
take my eyes & see the world for a moment the way i do.
look at you the way that i look at you.
here.]
i love early mornings in the coffee shop.
how many times have i written that?
stop by & try my new favorite treat.
a soy latte with honey & real cinnamon swirled in the espresso.
yum. :]]
i spilled coffee all over my shoes today.
that's 3 pairs of shoes with coffee on them now.
a bit ridiculous.
i've been thinking about watches lately.
i've always been against watches
but now i'd really like a vintage watch.
i'm on the hunt for the perfect one.
ho-hum. off to knit.
& watch a movie where claire danes is autistic.
[claire is just such a friendly name.]
no, but seriously, kids, i'm going to knit.
don't try and stop me.
9.17.2010
one hundred. thirty eight.
i have been getting into mumford & sons quite a bit.
at first i was just a poser.
"oh yeah, i LOVE them! great band. great music."
but really, i had barely heard anything about them. mostly i just liked the people who liked them. so i liked them too.
this got difficult when people asked me my favorite song.
"oh, i mean...all of them! right? they are just...so good. can't even decide."
anyhow, now i have moved past that. not that i have favorite song now because i really do like several of them most. their music & lyrics are grand.
i am an honest fan.
sometimes i have conversations with customers & it's almost like we are speaking different languages. I just find it very difficult to communicate with them. you know what i mean? have you ever had those people where you just can't talk to each other very well? someone is mumbling, or making references you don't understand but thought you did, everyone is confused...
such a conversation happened the other day:
[man comes up to counter for refill]
me: you need a refill?
him: yup. hey, i heard the breaking news in the mens bathroom! you're getting a lobster tail!
me: [wonders if i heard wrong when he said mens bathroom] Oh, really? I had no idea. I guess I'm out of the loop.
him: yup! that's what I heard! Lobster tail!
me: [fairly certain i did hear mens bathroom] Wow, well I guess I'll have to visit the mens bathroom more... often...[trails off]
him: [looks at me strangely. maybe he didn't say mens bathroom? gives dark, bitter laugh as if I just make a joke about the apocalypse.] No, not necessary. Not advised.
[Brief silence as I hand him his refilled coffee cup.]
Him: Yup, and it's going to go right there! [points vaguely in the direction of the wall]
Me: Oh! Very interesting! [I look in the direction he pointed at, thoroughly confused. Man goes & stands in front of television playing news. I sit & try to make sense of our conversation...did he say mens bathroom?]
I figured out later that he did indeed say mens bathroom. There is an ad in there for lobster mania. I still have no explanation for the rest of the conversation.
sometimes i have conversations with customers & it's almost like we are speaking different languages. I just find it very difficult to communicate with them. you know what i mean? have you ever had those people where you just can't talk to each other very well? someone is mumbling, or making references you don't understand but thought you did, everyone is confused...
such a conversation happened the other day:
[man comes up to counter for refill]
me: you need a refill?
him: yup. hey, i heard the breaking news in the mens bathroom! you're getting a lobster tail!
me: [wonders if i heard wrong when he said mens bathroom] Oh, really? I had no idea. I guess I'm out of the loop.
him: yup! that's what I heard! Lobster tail!
me: [fairly certain i did hear mens bathroom] Wow, well I guess I'll have to visit the mens bathroom more... often...[trails off]
him: [looks at me strangely. maybe he didn't say mens bathroom? gives dark, bitter laugh as if I just make a joke about the apocalypse.] No, not necessary. Not advised.
[Brief silence as I hand him his refilled coffee cup.]
Him: Yup, and it's going to go right there! [points vaguely in the direction of the wall]
Me: Oh! Very interesting! [I look in the direction he pointed at, thoroughly confused. Man goes & stands in front of television playing news. I sit & try to make sense of our conversation...did he say mens bathroom?]
I figured out later that he did indeed say mens bathroom. There is an ad in there for lobster mania. I still have no explanation for the rest of the conversation.
9.13.2010
one hundred. thirty seven.
good things:
a solo dance party with a bottle of mousse as an impromptu microphone. [this will be] an everlasting love & make your own kind of music. the curtains were open. the neighbors may have been entertained.
the renegade craft fair in wicker park. inspiring.
italian food.
finishing my book!
starting "a walk in the woods" which is already brilliant.
buttons.
yellow shoes.
bad things:
my dog POOPING in the basement. a poop of massive proportions. terrible thing to wake up to.
::edit::
things i don't understand:
granny panties.
people who down shots of alcohol. why? let's be honest, it tastes terrible.
twitter. please explain this concept to me.
adult teeth coming in at age 22. stupid & unnecessary.
9.08.2010
one hundred. thirty six.
time for a change tonight.
hair dye?
yes.
& oh,
i'd like to watch "A Beautiful Mind."
and read some books for the second time.
i'd like to see your face
read your mind
simple & plain
like words on a page.
one of those things happened at work today where i'm still laughing about it, but if i told you, you wouldn't think it was funny.
the guy who was getting his coffee didn't think it was funny either.
[which made it even more funny.]
do yourself a favor.
listen to "wedding day" [rosie thomas]
then "sigh no more" [mumford & sons]
followed by "warning sign" [coldplay]
ending with any jon foreman song of your choosing.
this is my playlist for today.
just some plain old good music.
hair dye?
yes.
& oh,
i'd like to watch "A Beautiful Mind."
and read some books for the second time.
i'd like to see your face
read your mind
simple & plain
like words on a page.
one of those things happened at work today where i'm still laughing about it, but if i told you, you wouldn't think it was funny.
the guy who was getting his coffee didn't think it was funny either.
[which made it even more funny.]
do yourself a favor.
listen to "wedding day" [rosie thomas]
then "sigh no more" [mumford & sons]
followed by "warning sign" [coldplay]
ending with any jon foreman song of your choosing.
this is my playlist for today.
just some plain old good music.
9.06.2010
one hundred. thirty five.
dear autumn,
hello. you seem to be making your way my way.
i must say that i'm delighted you've nearly arrived. i've just recently mowed the yard, so it's all ready for browned leaves to be tossed upon it.
i also used your nearness to buy myself a new pair of boots.
let me know if there is anything i can do to make you feel more welcome & please do linger for as long as you can. i've missed your friendly face, probably ever since you last left.
don't tell the others, but you truly are my favorite.
yours most sincerely,
christina.
hello. you seem to be making your way my way.
i must say that i'm delighted you've nearly arrived. i've just recently mowed the yard, so it's all ready for browned leaves to be tossed upon it.
i also used your nearness to buy myself a new pair of boots.
let me know if there is anything i can do to make you feel more welcome & please do linger for as long as you can. i've missed your friendly face, probably ever since you last left.
don't tell the others, but you truly are my favorite.
yours most sincerely,
christina.
8.31.2010
one hundred. thirty four.
please take this moment to notice that i have changed my background.
this is the first time this has ever happened.
seeing as i am completely stupid when it comes to computers, html & all of that nonsense, this is a bold move for me.
thank you blogger, for just making me a little button i could push to change it.
i can't really compete with the people who have really lovely, creative pages, so this will have to do.
there is one guy who comes into the coffee shop & every time it's an interesting affair.
he's a real hippie guy.
one time he stopped in & cursed us for using sugar packets because of the waste we were accumulating.
another time he stopped in & told us he was using our old coffee bags to carry around his grains & vegetables.
another time he stopped in & filled us in on how he was going to go and live in a sustainable community & smoke a lot of weed.
he stopped in today. he brought his own mug, of course, to save the earth.
i noticed some milky liquid left in the bottom of his mug, so i figured i'd rinse it for him. also, we always fill mugs with hot water to warm the cup before we put in the coffee.
tragedy strikes.
the liquid in the bottom was actually his ORGANIC ALMOND MILK!!
logical situation: tell me as you're handing me the cup that you already put in your own cream. this is what people have said before. pretty simple.
actual situation: literally watch me pour the milk down the drain and then cry out in horror.
He settled for some soymilk.
He did make a stink about it though because our soymilk is not organic like his almond milk was. Therefore his cup of coffee was less "conscious."
Our drain, however, is pretty conscious now. drinking up some organic almond milk....
A man [double cup 2% latte guy] told me today that I looked older since the last time he saw me in the early summer.
This was nice to hear.
I never get told that. Instead I get asked what high school I go to.
Also was nice because I actually feel older.
In saying that, perhaps I betray my youth. It seems that older people always feel younger than they are, making them frustrated by their broken down bodies, while younger people feel "so old" but never really are.
But still.
I do feel oldish, somehow.
But that's also not good because in looking "older" or as he stated afterward "more mature," reveals something about my life at this point.
Before people thought I was younger because I apparently had some youthful appearance, a mixture of awkwardness, a certain amount of innocence and a measure of trust.
Things are different now. I feel different now. Is it so overdone to say that I feel like I've lost bits of that? I don't care if it is. It's the truth, though perhaps I'll back on this & roll my eyes.
"& if everything is measured by the hole it leaves behind
then this mountain has been leveled
& there's no more diamonds in the mine."
Goodness gracious, look at me.
go ahead, roll your eyes.
start me off I just will not quit.
Enough of this.
Do you know, I played the piano tonight & it was quite marvelous?
this is the first time this has ever happened.
seeing as i am completely stupid when it comes to computers, html & all of that nonsense, this is a bold move for me.
thank you blogger, for just making me a little button i could push to change it.
i can't really compete with the people who have really lovely, creative pages, so this will have to do.
there is one guy who comes into the coffee shop & every time it's an interesting affair.
he's a real hippie guy.
one time he stopped in & cursed us for using sugar packets because of the waste we were accumulating.
another time he stopped in & told us he was using our old coffee bags to carry around his grains & vegetables.
another time he stopped in & filled us in on how he was going to go and live in a sustainable community & smoke a lot of weed.
he stopped in today. he brought his own mug, of course, to save the earth.
i noticed some milky liquid left in the bottom of his mug, so i figured i'd rinse it for him. also, we always fill mugs with hot water to warm the cup before we put in the coffee.
tragedy strikes.
the liquid in the bottom was actually his ORGANIC ALMOND MILK!!
logical situation: tell me as you're handing me the cup that you already put in your own cream. this is what people have said before. pretty simple.
actual situation: literally watch me pour the milk down the drain and then cry out in horror.
He settled for some soymilk.
He did make a stink about it though because our soymilk is not organic like his almond milk was. Therefore his cup of coffee was less "conscious."
Our drain, however, is pretty conscious now. drinking up some organic almond milk....
A man [double cup 2% latte guy] told me today that I looked older since the last time he saw me in the early summer.
This was nice to hear.
I never get told that. Instead I get asked what high school I go to.
Also was nice because I actually feel older.
In saying that, perhaps I betray my youth. It seems that older people always feel younger than they are, making them frustrated by their broken down bodies, while younger people feel "so old" but never really are.
But still.
I do feel oldish, somehow.
But that's also not good because in looking "older" or as he stated afterward "more mature," reveals something about my life at this point.
Before people thought I was younger because I apparently had some youthful appearance, a mixture of awkwardness, a certain amount of innocence and a measure of trust.
Things are different now. I feel different now. Is it so overdone to say that I feel like I've lost bits of that? I don't care if it is. It's the truth, though perhaps I'll back on this & roll my eyes.
"& if everything is measured by the hole it leaves behind
then this mountain has been leveled
& there's no more diamonds in the mine."
Goodness gracious, look at me.
go ahead, roll your eyes.
start me off I just will not quit.
Enough of this.
Do you know, I played the piano tonight & it was quite marvelous?
8.28.2010
one hundred. thirty three.
Lately I have been enjoying wine a little bit more.
I've never been much of an alcohol person, in any way. But I've always wanted to be a wine person, or a I-brew-my-own-beer person. You know? It just seems like one of those things that interesting people do. I could be interesting. I could like wine.
Note:: The wine I have been enjoying has been something on the sweeter side, more of a grownup grape juice. I'm going to count it anyway.
This has been a week of dynamic proportions. Started work, had auditions, callbacks & casting for the show, looking for a car [unsuccessful], etc...last night I got 3 hours of sleep. Now it's 8:40 at night and I am still kicking, no nap involved. Strangely, since I've been home from camp in July I've been totally failing at power napping. Usually I excel at a decent power nap. Now I can only occasionally nap, and only when I'm riding in the car [I'm like a baby when it comes to car rides, out like a light]. This is mildly distressing, I have no idea what's happened to me.
I love a good train ride, but do not like being confronted by a drunken guy on the train. Today, on the way home, a jolly man stopped on his way back from the lavatory to ask me what book I was reading. Unfortunately he was too intoxicated to actually understand me. When I told him it was a book on doctrine [it really was, I know that sounds suspiciously like me trying to conceal that I was reading a romance novel...] he bellowed: "WHAT?! DOCTRY?!" loud enough for the whole train to hear. Thank you drunk man.
Here is what I want:
I want a plate of Eggo waffles.
I want to write down everything.
I want to know what to do now.
I've never been much of an alcohol person, in any way. But I've always wanted to be a wine person, or a I-brew-my-own-beer person. You know? It just seems like one of those things that interesting people do. I could be interesting. I could like wine.
Note:: The wine I have been enjoying has been something on the sweeter side, more of a grownup grape juice. I'm going to count it anyway.
This has been a week of dynamic proportions. Started work, had auditions, callbacks & casting for the show, looking for a car [unsuccessful], etc...last night I got 3 hours of sleep. Now it's 8:40 at night and I am still kicking, no nap involved. Strangely, since I've been home from camp in July I've been totally failing at power napping. Usually I excel at a decent power nap. Now I can only occasionally nap, and only when I'm riding in the car [I'm like a baby when it comes to car rides, out like a light]. This is mildly distressing, I have no idea what's happened to me.
I love a good train ride, but do not like being confronted by a drunken guy on the train. Today, on the way home, a jolly man stopped on his way back from the lavatory to ask me what book I was reading. Unfortunately he was too intoxicated to actually understand me. When I told him it was a book on doctrine [it really was, I know that sounds suspiciously like me trying to conceal that I was reading a romance novel...] he bellowed: "WHAT?! DOCTRY?!" loud enough for the whole train to hear. Thank you drunk man.
Here is what I want:
I want a plate of Eggo waffles.
I want to write down everything.
I want to know what to do now.
8.25.2010
one hundred. thirty two.
in short, it's been rough.
the fellow and i are no longer the fellow and i.
it's just the fellow
and i.
you see?
i could go into all of the melodramatic details
in which i become everything typical & cliche about a breakup
[days in pajamas, ice cream sandwiches, sad songs & all that]
but i will practice some self-control.
instead i will say that after all of that
i crawled out of my little pit of self-pity
& the sun was shining.
so, thats good.
i have started back at work, which is grand.
also started choreographing a show
[which i should be working on right now]
which is also grand.
reading some books
finished some other books.
2 books you should think about reading:
The Prodigal God [Timothy Keller]
Food Inc. [A collection of fascinating essays]
I also worked my way through 2 mystery novels which I feel a little bit of guilt about, but only a little bit because they were actually so fun to read.
Guilty pleasures that are good:
A mouthful of whipped cream
Mystery novels
Hours spent on etsy.com
Guilty pleasures that are bad:
Facebook stalking
Impulse buying on etsy.com
Brownies for breakfast
Alright, really going to go & work on dances now.
you go & listen to strict joy by the swell season, tell me how much you love it.
8.04.2010
one hundred. thirty one.
I have just devoured my body weight in whole-wheat blueberry/walnut pancakes.
[i love breakfast for dinner. it seems so rebellious.]
I am also waiting for my zucchini bread to come out of the oven.
I'm convincing myself that zucchini bread is healthy because it comes from zucchini from our garden. Let's forget about the 83 cups of sugar that went into it, shall we?
I'm also trying to convince myself that all of this overeating is completely fine because I worked out for an hour this morning and then for lunch had a spinach salad. The workout was from a workout DVD, one of those aimed for the slightly larger folk who need to lose weight, which makes it all the more disconcerting that I was struggling to keep up. We'll disregard the implications presented by the fact I was having trouble keeping up with a portly person workout DVD.
Bread is out. Did I bake it for too long?? Shooot.
I think I have a loose tooth. I'm 22 and I'm still losing baby teeth. Loving this.
Just wiggled it. Yup. Definitely loose. It kills now.
Tai & mom are watching a movie in the other room, so I should go & join them. I should also multitask and write the fellow a letter. Last night I tried to multitask and crochet a sock while watching "The Young Victoria." The movie = super good. The sock = dismal failure.
& so it goes.
[i love breakfast for dinner. it seems so rebellious.]
I am also waiting for my zucchini bread to come out of the oven.
I'm convincing myself that zucchini bread is healthy because it comes from zucchini from our garden. Let's forget about the 83 cups of sugar that went into it, shall we?
I'm also trying to convince myself that all of this overeating is completely fine because I worked out for an hour this morning and then for lunch had a spinach salad. The workout was from a workout DVD, one of those aimed for the slightly larger folk who need to lose weight, which makes it all the more disconcerting that I was struggling to keep up. We'll disregard the implications presented by the fact I was having trouble keeping up with a portly person workout DVD.
Bread is out. Did I bake it for too long?? Shooot.
I think I have a loose tooth. I'm 22 and I'm still losing baby teeth. Loving this.
Just wiggled it. Yup. Definitely loose. It kills now.
Tai & mom are watching a movie in the other room, so I should go & join them. I should also multitask and write the fellow a letter. Last night I tried to multitask and crochet a sock while watching "The Young Victoria." The movie = super good. The sock = dismal failure.
& so it goes.
8.01.2010
one hundred. thirty.
the more I read Annie Dillard, the more I want to read.
the more i want to write, too.
Not anything in particular. just to write is enough. just to recall and put down various bits & pieces.
the more i think on it, the greater my resolve grows.
[but how far my resolve is from my carrying out!]
i struggle now & then & now with what defines me
is it you?
is it what i make of myself?
my work?
my music?
the people who call me friend
& what they think of me?
these words, even?
i forget that "in Him we live, and move, and have our being."
He is what defines me.
& His glory is my aim.
To that purpose, then, pressing forward.
7.30.2010
one hundred. twenty nine.
the days move a little slower, now. it feels like molasses just stretching out, sticky in this heat.
at camp the days moved quickly, i was moving on to the next thing the moment i finished something else. if i had free time i had few options: pee, write a quick letter, read a little bit of my book, hang with the rest of the staff.
i've been home alone these past few days. good time to get things done, not always the motivation to follow through. things look so idyllic in my head, before i know it i'm planning on making fresh bread for dinner & i still haven't gotten dressed yet.
i've been able to follow through on some things. made some meals. cleaned the house over, including purging things from my room. finished a hat. did some odd jobs for my dad. checked the mail/facebook/my phone constantly for any word from the fellow. you know, all that stuff.
i have successfully handled most of the issues tied up with duncan, a.k.a. calling the car repair man to verify his death, calling the junkyard in the area to make sure they would take it, called the car repair people again to fill them in and make sure i didn't have to drive all the way up to green bay to settle things. things went over relatively smoothly, especially because of the situation in general.
here are my current options for getting a car:
1. buy a cheap car
2. buy an expensive car and make payments for a few years
3. make do without a car, save that money so that i don't have to make payments later on.
4. make do without a car, blow that money on a trip through Europe.
...the options are endless.
tomorrow is the last day with the family from Tennessee, then visiting an artsy little show that my Dad is participating in. should be an exciting day.
blegh. this post feels dull and insipid. i'm going to eat oreos & drink milk & not write another word.
[except, is it too repetitive to describe this as dull and insipid considering it means basically the same thing? i feel like i do that quite a bit. i'm just really making a point...]
at camp the days moved quickly, i was moving on to the next thing the moment i finished something else. if i had free time i had few options: pee, write a quick letter, read a little bit of my book, hang with the rest of the staff.
i've been home alone these past few days. good time to get things done, not always the motivation to follow through. things look so idyllic in my head, before i know it i'm planning on making fresh bread for dinner & i still haven't gotten dressed yet.
i've been able to follow through on some things. made some meals. cleaned the house over, including purging things from my room. finished a hat. did some odd jobs for my dad. checked the mail/facebook/my phone constantly for any word from the fellow. you know, all that stuff.
i have successfully handled most of the issues tied up with duncan, a.k.a. calling the car repair man to verify his death, calling the junkyard in the area to make sure they would take it, called the car repair people again to fill them in and make sure i didn't have to drive all the way up to green bay to settle things. things went over relatively smoothly, especially because of the situation in general.
here are my current options for getting a car:
1. buy a cheap car
2. buy an expensive car and make payments for a few years
3. make do without a car, save that money so that i don't have to make payments later on.
4. make do without a car, blow that money on a trip through Europe.
...the options are endless.
tomorrow is the last day with the family from Tennessee, then visiting an artsy little show that my Dad is participating in. should be an exciting day.
blegh. this post feels dull and insipid. i'm going to eat oreos & drink milk & not write another word.
[except, is it too repetitive to describe this as dull and insipid considering it means basically the same thing? i feel like i do that quite a bit. i'm just really making a point...]
7.27.2010
one hundred. twenty eight.
I found him.
I wasn't looking for him, but he came into my life just the same.
I tried to escape him but he kept popping up
just behind me
right next to me
walking in front of me
he was inescapable.
Perhaps I should explain:
one of my biggest pet peeves is nose breathers.
heavy nose breathers.
recently i met the biggest heavy nose breather that exists under the sun.
the volume and force that he was able to use to while nose breathe was astonishing, really.
if it didn't make me cringe i might have been able to be impressed.
it was almost as if he had two noses doing the job.
anyways. that is nowhere near the biggest news in my life, but it was something i felt i needed to share. everything else is typical. i love my family, for instance, as i've just spent many days with all my extended family. crazy, to say the least. but also fantastic.
also: my car, hugo duncan, is dead. anyone want to sell me their gently used car?
I wasn't looking for him, but he came into my life just the same.
I tried to escape him but he kept popping up
just behind me
right next to me
walking in front of me
he was inescapable.
Perhaps I should explain:
one of my biggest pet peeves is nose breathers.
heavy nose breathers.
recently i met the biggest heavy nose breather that exists under the sun.
the volume and force that he was able to use to while nose breathe was astonishing, really.
if it didn't make me cringe i might have been able to be impressed.
it was almost as if he had two noses doing the job.
anyways. that is nowhere near the biggest news in my life, but it was something i felt i needed to share. everything else is typical. i love my family, for instance, as i've just spent many days with all my extended family. crazy, to say the least. but also fantastic.
also: my car, hugo duncan, is dead. anyone want to sell me their gently used car?
7.23.2010
one hundred. twenty seven.
Back home!
It's good being back home. It's not good hearing radio music again. That was the first thing that logged in my brain as something I didn't miss, specifically hearing Lady Gaga. Did not miss Lady Gaga. Other things I didn't miss: our cat, Gilbert, who decided to pee on Taylor as a welcome home gift. Who could ask for anything more?
Typical of my life, the adventure back home was anything but normal & easy. Duncan [my car] decided to poop out and die somewhere on the outskirts of Green Bay. Taylor and I sit for 5 hours at a diner with a 7 dollar fruit plate featuring canned peaches & pineapple, followed by a table at a classy BP station, being serenaded by country music.
Thankfully, we pooped out right next to all of this wonderment and also by a car repair place instead of in the middle of the UP with no cellphone reception. So, long story short, nobody died because of the country music, Chris came & picked us up, and the car repair place took my car and will do their best to bring Duncan back to life. The chances are looking slim.
pros & cons of duncan dying:
pro - more train time. i love the train.
con - riding in my mom's car, eunice, when we can't take the train. no air conditioning, no sun roof. today was literally the hottest day of the year.
pro from that situation - stopping by culvers for ice cream.
con from that situation - i realized i need to begin my work out routine again.
to be honest, i miss camp. i miss the boy. i miss the people i might never see again for the rest of my life. however, the transition to home life went much better this year. i was able to put all of my bags away and do 2 loads of laundry my first day home. this is extremely rare. usually i mope about and spend my time wondering what camp people are doing, or crying because it's oatmeal morning and i am eating apple jacks. now i am enjoying my apple jacks and my time here, seeing friends & family and my dearest kanoa again. things move back to normal so quickly. taylor bakes cookies. kanoa needs to go outside. we eat dinner at the table. my father and i share a mild argument about the meaning of a phrase, is it right or wrong. kanoa wants to play. the dryer is still broken so i hang my laundry outside. it begins to rain. life moves along.
it's getting late. i should sleep.
6.08.2010
one hundred. twenty six.
I love when people really truly think that I am lying when I say I'm 21.
I love when the 40 year old lady who cuts my hair tells me I need to get out & live on my own, be my own person before I settle down. Need to figure out how to not rely on anyone.
It's sad when being lonely is bad, but so is relying on other people.
It's not good to be alone. Even when I most struggle with my independent streak, in the deepest depths of my inner self I really don't want to be too alone & self-reliant. It's good for a time but is short lived.
Went to a She & Him concert yesterday.
FREE.
Not a whole lot of better sentences than free she & him concert.
Free she & him concert in the city.
Free she & him concert in the city with friends.
It doesn't get much better.
I am a huge fan of she & him, their music just makes me want to bop around & sing loud & drive barefoot. Run screaming through some field or something.
Mostly bop around though.
[look them up!!]
This particular concert happened to have all of the unique people that you happen to pass on the street in one location. Seriously. Everyone that I have ever passed & said: "Wow, that is a neat looking person." They were all gathered together.
Funny thing when all of those people stand together.
Everyone looks fairly typical.
[similar to the show at the metro, but 10x more.]
Days are numbered until I leave for camp.
I am all of anxious/hesitant as well as excited/impatient. Prayerful & hopeful too. Hopeful but objective? Realistic? We'll see.
However: packing is currently nearly non-existent. Tomorrow I will do all final laundry & that should give me a good drop kick into it. Maybe.
Last day of work was last week. It was actually pretty sad. I am really going to miss the fellow baristas/customers SO MUCH. I feel bad missing out on their summers. I'm so used to talking to them almost every day, I'm so connected to a lovely small group of commuters. Every morning I have the opportunity to wish them well, which is a surprisingly wonderful task to fulfill. My two favorite customers are an old couple, Bill & Dee, and they gave me hugs before I left & told me they loved me. Just the sweetest old couple.
I just looked at the clock. 10:30??
I was supposed to go to bed early tonight. Drat. Still need to bag up my laundry.
Suppose that's it for tonight, then. Sleep well. :]] Be grateful you are not here because my dog is farting up a storm. It is extremely pungent, I am unable to breath.
5.31.2010
one hundred. twenty five.
she & him concert: 7 days.
leave for camp: 12 days.
shopping for camp done: none.
packing for camp done: none.
days left of work: 4 [this is indeed bittersweet. i love my job.]
i have decided to no longer say that i'm going to do something. when i say that i am going to do something, it never actually happens. instead, i will wait until after i do something & then simply announce that i did it. or not. just keep it a secret. or just tell you.
for instance:
said that i would go to ireland.
said that i would get my nose pierced.
said that i would be married by 19.
never ever happened.
maybe if i don't speak them aloud, they'll happen.
5.23.2010
one hundred. twenty four.
tell me your secrets & ask me your questions
oh let's go back to the start
running in circles, coming up tails
heads on a science apart
nobody said it was easy
it's such a shame for us to part
nobody said it was easy
no one ever said it would be this hard
[oh take me back to the start]
5.13.2010
one hundred. twenty three.
this post has a good title.
123
good number.
brings to mind classic Michael Jackson songs.
today I did no driving but felt very compelled to.
sometimes i'll be driving on the highway
or tollway
or any road, really
and just feel the urge to not stop
or not turn to get to my destination
but to just keep going.
this urge is, at times, weak.
more of a whimsical thought, really.
at times it is stronger
most strong.
my hands tingle a little.
i might just do it.
[but I never follow through].
today it was a screaming command
blaring in my head
so much so that if i did
i might very well be headed straight for Tennessee right now
with no intention of coming back soon.
that's exactly where i wanted to go, too.
it was just one of those days.
a driving day.
a crazy day, really.
i just wanted to do something crazy.
after I pushed driving to Tennessee from my mind I contemplated getting my nose pierced.
Nope. Too scared to do it alone.
When I ran out of crazy ideas that I won't do but want to
I put my jogging clothes on
& did something super crazy.
Ran a whopping 2 miles
came home
worked out some more.
Look out, this girl is completely bonkers.
So, it's 8:00 now
I made some cookies
Put on a flannel
[wishing I was 6 hours closer to Tennessee.]
123
good number.
brings to mind classic Michael Jackson songs.
today I did no driving but felt very compelled to.
sometimes i'll be driving on the highway
or tollway
or any road, really
and just feel the urge to not stop
or not turn to get to my destination
but to just keep going.
this urge is, at times, weak.
more of a whimsical thought, really.
at times it is stronger
most strong.
my hands tingle a little.
i might just do it.
[but I never follow through].
today it was a screaming command
blaring in my head
so much so that if i did
i might very well be headed straight for Tennessee right now
with no intention of coming back soon.
that's exactly where i wanted to go, too.
it was just one of those days.
a driving day.
a crazy day, really.
i just wanted to do something crazy.
after I pushed driving to Tennessee from my mind I contemplated getting my nose pierced.
Nope. Too scared to do it alone.
When I ran out of crazy ideas that I won't do but want to
I put my jogging clothes on
& did something super crazy.
Ran a whopping 2 miles
came home
worked out some more.
Look out, this girl is completely bonkers.
So, it's 8:00 now
I made some cookies
Put on a flannel
[wishing I was 6 hours closer to Tennessee.]
5.09.2010
one hundred. twenty two.
Most Monday mornings I ask customers how their weekend was.
All of the senior citizen customer interpret that question to have a hidden meaning of "Please inform me of all the pains afflicting your body."
Oh. And they do.
Will that be me one day?
There are many good things in life.
One of them is definitely singing "In My Place" the live 2003 version while driving with the sun roof open.
Thanks to my musical theater upbringing, I have swallowed the idea of "If you can't find words to express yourself, sing about it." It's quite vexing because for the first time I am finding myself without a song to channel my emotions through. At happy or trying or pensive or funny times of my life - a song. I've found a song. Very perplexing to be a in a place with no song.
Then, i was singing "In My Place" and found it pretty fitting. So that's it. For now.
What else?
I feel a little bit like the disciples in the boat, the storm raging around. Not enough faith so I'm a little frightened. There is a plan & reason, it's just outside my line of sight.
[please, calm this storm.]
Plenty of things to look forward to:
free she & him concert
the 5k [yes!!]
a wedding
blissful weeks up at camp
I just finished reading Brave New World & just started Amusing Ourselves To Death, which is a fantastic book pairing to read one right after the other. To say that it was interesting would barely begin to describe my thoughts. There is honestly just too much to take in & muddle over. I did read Brave New World once in the past but this read through showed some startling comparisons to the society in the book & to our own. That's basically what Amusing Ourselves to Death is about as well, kind of asking the question - What if Huxley was right? Fascinating.
It's time for a mid-afternoon bowl of cereal. I love cereal.
I really need to update this more....
3.26.2010
one hundred. twenty one.
it's a friday night.
i am 21.
my plans are:
run
do taxes with my mom and brother
crochet
read my book
maybe watch a movie
what a lamewad.
3.12.2010
one hundred. twenty.
worked at the restaurant today.
i love this weather and how all the business people near my work take their lunch breaks
to walk around, down the street
their nice pants & blazers flapping in the breeze.
they look a little out of place
walking around in clean, pressed work clothes
in dirty streets,
patterned ties not staying but flying up in mens faces.
ladies tugging fitted pencil skirts down.
when they arrive to eat lunch at the restaurant
& come to place their order
i notice that those tight-lipped accountants & worried assistants
have smoothed the lines on their foreheads,
managing a brief smile.
Running has been going pretty well.
Every time i bring up running to a friend their response is something along the lines of
"Running is simple, i am amazing and could run for 72 hours straight without stopping."
This makes me question my entire life.
I honestly had no idea running could be so easy for some people because for me it's really just super challenging. & always has been. I used to be fast when I was younger, but then we only had about 4 neighbors in Wisconsin to compare to. Now it's honestly just mind blowing when I think of average, everyday friends being able to run lengthy distance or extremely fast times. It's as if they are telling me they are capable of time travel or something.
Even some old guy who is a customer at work told me he runs a 10k pretty regularly. And he is OLD.
Speaking of time travel, I recently watched The Time Travelers Wife, which also made me question my life.
Not seriously, but that movie was just so sad. I thought it was going to be terrible, like the first chapter or so of the book that I struggled through before I gave up. But not at all. Firstly, I am a fan of that actress [Rachel something?]. Secondly, I just experienced many heart-wrenching moments while watching. Also, I was strangely elated to hear the voice of the fellow when he called after the movie was over, because I knew we were both stationed quite firmly in time & not liable to suddenly relocate to forty years in the future.
Another life evaluation topic would be how I am reading "Crazy Love" and enjoying it much more than I ever thought I would & how it's making me think a lot about how I spend my time, where I put my money and how I treat my family/friends/everyday people I come in contact with. Read it so that we can talk about it & you can tell me what you think.
It's late. I need to run tomorrow before I visit a book sale with my sister, so I need to get up at a decent time.
Tomorrow is Saturday.
I wish I was 10 and still pumped for Saturday Morning Cartoons.
3.02.2010
one hundred. nineteen.
I currently cannot get enough of:
"Much Farther To Go" by Rosie Thomas
"I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers
"Complainte de la Butte" by Rufus Wainwright
I'm not entirely sure what Rufus Wainwright is singing because the majority of it is in French, so he could be speaking profanities...however the song is so fantastic.
merely stretching my back out yesterday has severely limited my mobility today. i'm walking around like the hunchback of notre dame. it's a terrible feeling.
I have begun obsessive planning for my modernish dance class for the spring. I can't believe Cinderella is over & I'm already moving on to the next thing. There's not time to mull over the fact that a show I spent months working on is finished. It's strange though, to be at the end of that road and look back, see what I wished I had done differently, things that I'll miss.
Today I gave my new car, Hugo Duncan [most commonly referred to by his middle name] a little bath. He really looks striking now. I spilled a jamba smoothie like an idiot on his clean, tan interior the other day and left purple blobs. Don't worry, Curt, I'll clean it up. [Curt is obsessed with car cleanliness & vents that are perfectly lined up. If I punched him in the face and then spilled chips in his truck, he'd be more upset about the chips. True story.]
Now would be a nice time to visit Ireland.
"Much Farther To Go" by Rosie Thomas
"I and Love and You" by The Avett Brothers
"Complainte de la Butte" by Rufus Wainwright
I'm not entirely sure what Rufus Wainwright is singing because the majority of it is in French, so he could be speaking profanities...however the song is so fantastic.
merely stretching my back out yesterday has severely limited my mobility today. i'm walking around like the hunchback of notre dame. it's a terrible feeling.
I have begun obsessive planning for my modernish dance class for the spring. I can't believe Cinderella is over & I'm already moving on to the next thing. There's not time to mull over the fact that a show I spent months working on is finished. It's strange though, to be at the end of that road and look back, see what I wished I had done differently, things that I'll miss.
Today I gave my new car, Hugo Duncan [most commonly referred to by his middle name] a little bath. He really looks striking now. I spilled a jamba smoothie like an idiot on his clean, tan interior the other day and left purple blobs. Don't worry, Curt, I'll clean it up. [Curt is obsessed with car cleanliness & vents that are perfectly lined up. If I punched him in the face and then spilled chips in his truck, he'd be more upset about the chips. True story.]
Now would be a nice time to visit Ireland.
2.21.2010
one hundred. eighteen.
in real life, i associate a face with a name.
i see a short, scruffy neighbor with glasses and search my brain for his name....
gary!
at work, it goes a bit differently. i associate a face with a drink and then a name.
clean shaven, dark haired, chai latte rick.
tiny lady, energetic, super sweet vanilla latte nikki.
geeky with glasses & some sort of striped shirt, keeps-you-guessing-but-maybe-a-tea chris.
big ears older man with friendly smile, skim mocha granita ray.
that's just how it goes. then when in conversation with people outside of work, i refer to them as their name & drink.
"yeah, rick the chai latte guy jammed with rick somebody from cheap trick."
it's just a different world.
we got a bunch of new teas in and my life is heaven. one fruit tea called cloud catcher makes THE MOST AMAZING iced tea, i kid you not. in a close second is our new south sea magic black tea, with some mango or something in it. yum yum. :]]
Just finished our first weekend of Cinderella. The show is so fun, I am thoroughly entertained every time I watch it. Things have definitely slacked off on the to-do list and I definitely haven't been eating as well [i.e. i just scarfed down 4 ferrero rocher's.]. Something to work on next week. Lauren Mansoonie & I have decided to run a 5k in May, so I need to get on the ball training for that. I'm so excited and also quite intimidated. I ran the other day [very seriously minded] and realized I have quite a lot of work ahead of me.
i'm off to eat some FANTASTIC [whole grain] pasta that my sister just made. be jealous.
2.02.2010
one hundred.seventeen.
My boss tells me I'm awkward, specifically the most awkward person.
Eric, my fish side boss tells me I'm a lot loony.
Fernando [Furry], the cook on the fish side tells me I'm a little loco.
WHAT IS THIS.
Suddenly the entire world decided to fill me in on the fact that apparently I'm kind of a strange bird. Good to know.
I'm just going to convince myself that there is actually a compliment lying somewhere underneath the surface of scoffing and run with that.
[p.s. 3 posts in 2 days?! feeling a bit like a lame-o. cutting back.]
Eric, my fish side boss tells me I'm a lot loony.
Fernando [Furry], the cook on the fish side tells me I'm a little loco.
WHAT IS THIS.
Suddenly the entire world decided to fill me in on the fact that apparently I'm kind of a strange bird. Good to know.
I'm just going to convince myself that there is actually a compliment lying somewhere underneath the surface of scoffing and run with that.
[p.s. 3 posts in 2 days?! feeling a bit like a lame-o. cutting back.]
2.01.2010
one hundred.sixteen.
just read through much of my old xanga & flipped through several friends old xangas.
really quite bittersweet.
at times a bit heavy on the bitter
or the sweet
[but even in the sweet, it's bitter.]
so much is different.
not bad different.
& i musn't forget that everything has brought me here.
but it's a very surreal feeling.
those were honest entries from all of us.
at times more vulnerable than i think i intended.
i used to think i was so cryptic and & sneaky
but you understood every word.
ugh. digging up the past can be so wonderful
& so very strange.
one hundred.fifteen.
i just finished a book on new atheism.
i actually wasn't aware there was such a thing as new atheism, but apparently there is. it was fascinating to learn about.
i took a victorian literature class a few years ago [one of my favorite classes] and it discussed the unsteadiness of man after science began to break down theological presuppositions. there was a sense of anxiety as technology progressed and traditions and beliefs were no longer needed/wanted. there was a sense of loss that was exemplified in some of the literature from that period, like "Dover Beach." I love the last part:
The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.
this poem was also brought up in the book as an illustration of how differently new atheism presents itself. back then it was almost mourning, and now the release from God is seen as a celebration. do away with old beliefs and religion that is holding humanity back and then celebrate true freedom.
very intriguing read.
[i always forget how to spell intriguing.]
kanoa is laying here next to me taking a nap.
i wish i was taking a nap.
over the weekend i went to a show at the metro, which was fantastic.
all of the people you see on the street and think
"that person looks neat/interesting/unusual/charming"
they were all there too.
ho hum. worked at the coffee shop today & again tomorrow.
did i mention that i love working at the coffee shop?
truly, it's nice.
1.26.2010
one hundred. fourteen.
Last week my boss told me that I was the most awkward person he had ever met.
thanks boss.
[however, I can kind of understand why he would say that.]
my boss also told me that i could be a really good stand-up comedian.
apparently that's a profitable profession for awkward people.
under one condition:
i have to be smutty & dirty. that's what sells.
and that's what would be the most hilarious
to see an awkward person telling dirty jokes.
thanks boss.
took a jog today with the doggy. it's nice because she pulls me along when i'm slacking. my dog is lazy & fat but she still runs better than i do. it's nice running in winter, so nice. i bundle up but my body still doesn't overheat like it does in the summer. running in the summer = the worst. i feel so fresh running in the winter & also a little hardcore. it seems to me that only hardcore runners get out in the winter, so i appear to be giving off the perception of a hardcore runner. i'm fine with that perception.
however, hardcore runners probably don't need to get dragged around by their dog....
http://papernstitch.com/product/twig-ring
i want one.
cherry chocolate pecan biscotti tonight. i'm going to make some. i have such a craving.
As Valentines Day approaches, some people who come into the coffee shop feel the need to share their love stories.
Doug loves Diane.
Roger hates Ronda.
all so sweet and dramatic.
Doug, kind of a flavored, skim latte kind of a guy, tells us all about his beautiful Diane and was shocked when we said that we actually knew her, she was a frequent scone buyer and also loved pumpkin spice lattes.
Doug was skeptical at first, but then knew it had to be her at the mention of pumpkin spice lattes.
His Diana goes crazy for those.
He then told us that we weren't supposed to know they were dating because they work together.
We vowed to keep it a secret.
So don't tell.
thanks boss.
[however, I can kind of understand why he would say that.]
my boss also told me that i could be a really good stand-up comedian.
apparently that's a profitable profession for awkward people.
under one condition:
i have to be smutty & dirty. that's what sells.
and that's what would be the most hilarious
to see an awkward person telling dirty jokes.
thanks boss.
took a jog today with the doggy. it's nice because she pulls me along when i'm slacking. my dog is lazy & fat but she still runs better than i do. it's nice running in winter, so nice. i bundle up but my body still doesn't overheat like it does in the summer. running in the summer = the worst. i feel so fresh running in the winter & also a little hardcore. it seems to me that only hardcore runners get out in the winter, so i appear to be giving off the perception of a hardcore runner. i'm fine with that perception.
however, hardcore runners probably don't need to get dragged around by their dog....
http://papernstitch.com/product/twig-ring
i want one.
cherry chocolate pecan biscotti tonight. i'm going to make some. i have such a craving.
As Valentines Day approaches, some people who come into the coffee shop feel the need to share their love stories.
Doug loves Diane.
Roger hates Ronda.
all so sweet and dramatic.
Doug, kind of a flavored, skim latte kind of a guy, tells us all about his beautiful Diane and was shocked when we said that we actually knew her, she was a frequent scone buyer and also loved pumpkin spice lattes.
Doug was skeptical at first, but then knew it had to be her at the mention of pumpkin spice lattes.
His Diana goes crazy for those.
He then told us that we weren't supposed to know they were dating because they work together.
We vowed to keep it a secret.
So don't tell.
1.24.2010
one hundred. thirteen.
When my dog sheds it is not a usual affair - a few stray hairs make their way onto furniture and somehow into a bowl of oatmeal.
No.
Clumps of hair float to the floor when you pet her, completely COAT anything you wear and all furniture, end up in most food and on your pillow so you breath it in and choke when you are trying to fall to sleep.
How she is not bald I'll never know.
This is fairly similar to myself, actually.
I don't have season where I shed more hair, I am always shedding and wondering how any hair is left on my head.
Close friends and family have taken to standing behind me and picking at the hair that sticks to my back like those helpful monkeys you always see at the zoo.
for the rest:
[me, with a head full of words & not one useful expression]
No.
Clumps of hair float to the floor when you pet her, completely COAT anything you wear and all furniture, end up in most food and on your pillow so you breath it in and choke when you are trying to fall to sleep.
How she is not bald I'll never know.
This is fairly similar to myself, actually.
I don't have season where I shed more hair, I am always shedding and wondering how any hair is left on my head.
Close friends and family have taken to standing behind me and picking at the hair that sticks to my back like those helpful monkeys you always see at the zoo.
for the rest:
[me, with a head full of words & not one useful expression]
1.18.2010
one hundred. twelve.
while searching "tea and whimsy" i found ANOTHER BLOG titled "tea and whimsy."
that blog has something to do with country weddings.
anyhow. i found that interesting.
[sometimes i feel that i fill my blog with completely useless information, such as this.]
a car accident has a funny way of sneaking large amounts of money out of your pockets. that and every payment comes at once: insurance, phone bill, insurance, buy a car... i'll be lucky if i have $30 left in my account at the end of the month.
my current outlook on life goes something like this:
today - worked. got home. took a look at my finances. fell into state of mild depression [only slight sarcasm]. instead of then using time wisely to make myself feel better i stalked random people on facebook that i hardly know/never see anymore, looked up uninteresting videos, made $15 impulse purchase on itunes with christmas gift cards, pretended to work out for 20 minutes [lame crunches, schlump over feet in half-hearted stretch, repeat] and then ate massive plate of leftover spaghetti with two cookies. talked to fellow on telephone [good! but also lame because i miss his face], vowed to go to bed at 10:00 and yet here i am.
of course, nothing is really all that bad.
quick fix for life:
wake up earlier.
delete facebook [con - won't stay in contact as well with friends. pro - will find ways to contact real friends. putting this idea on the back burner.]
shed useless spending, i.e. things i believe that i am entitled to such as danishes, expensive bottled tea and yet another new scarf.
make all of my own clothes.
find edible plants to sustain me.
stop making blog posts and instead make interesting, profound and witty journal entries that i will one day publish and then make millions off of.
it's all so simple.
starting now.
goodnight.
p.s. also, a side note: should i maybe start using correct grammar/capital letters? putting this idea on the back burner...
that blog has something to do with country weddings.
anyhow. i found that interesting.
[sometimes i feel that i fill my blog with completely useless information, such as this.]
a car accident has a funny way of sneaking large amounts of money out of your pockets. that and every payment comes at once: insurance, phone bill, insurance, buy a car... i'll be lucky if i have $30 left in my account at the end of the month.
my current outlook on life goes something like this:
today - worked. got home. took a look at my finances. fell into state of mild depression [only slight sarcasm]. instead of then using time wisely to make myself feel better i stalked random people on facebook that i hardly know/never see anymore, looked up uninteresting videos, made $15 impulse purchase on itunes with christmas gift cards, pretended to work out for 20 minutes [lame crunches, schlump over feet in half-hearted stretch, repeat] and then ate massive plate of leftover spaghetti with two cookies. talked to fellow on telephone [good! but also lame because i miss his face], vowed to go to bed at 10:00 and yet here i am.
of course, nothing is really all that bad.
quick fix for life:
wake up earlier.
delete facebook [con - won't stay in contact as well with friends. pro - will find ways to contact real friends. putting this idea on the back burner.]
shed useless spending, i.e. things i believe that i am entitled to such as danishes, expensive bottled tea and yet another new scarf.
make all of my own clothes.
find edible plants to sustain me.
stop making blog posts and instead make interesting, profound and witty journal entries that i will one day publish and then make millions off of.
it's all so simple.
starting now.
goodnight.
p.s. also, a side note: should i maybe start using correct grammar/capital letters? putting this idea on the back burner...
1.10.2010
one hundred. eleven.
i enjoy: sitting on the floor in the room, eating nutella out of the jar with my fingers and listening to records.
i have many crochet/knit dream projects that i need to finish.
i have to work out. this is nothing new.
tai and i are watching "an american in paris." excellent.
i got in a car accident this last thursday & would be quite content if that never happened again. airbags = pretty frightening phenomenon. it could have been a lot worse, although i did completely total patrick, our beloved toyota.
on a car search. it's going alright, thanks to help from the fellow. in the meantime it's going to be fun arranging who gets the car for school/work/extra events. jolly.
a week in florida was an excellent time. i came back feeling strangely more growed up. why is that?
i did get a chance to do some great reading. read forest gump: turns out it wasn't as great as the movie [in my opinion]. shocking. usually the book is so much better! i won't spoil it for you, but the ending is completely different. also read "the boy who loved windows" which is an EXCELLENT book that my sister suggested. It's the story of an autistic child, but it spoke largely on so many other issues. such a fascinating read, i could read it over and over. i also started and am about halfway through "to kill a mockingbird." how i made it so far without reading this book is beyond me, but so far so good.
gene kelly is such a superstar.
still working on Cinderella. sometimes i forgot how much i really do enjoy working with the kids on the weekends. this director, Kerry, is so great at stepping outside of herself at rehearsals and being just so much fun for the kids, completely devoting time and energy into making sure their experience is just as important as the eventual outcome of the show. It's a very selfless way to work with kids. It could be so easy to just not engage and do what you need to do then leave, but she encourages her team & the cast so much, i wonder how she has so much energy.
my fingers are itching to crochet.
1.01.2010
one hundred.ten.
I thought it appropriate to make post one hundred ten on the first day of twenty ten.
110
2010
note the similarities. they both end with ten.
I completely forgot about making New Years Resolutions. How necessary are they? I made some, of sorts, but unintentionally and not specifically filed under New Years Resolutions.
Maybe it's better that way.
New Years Resolutions tend to dictate what my year should look like and inevitably it falls through, and then what?
resolutions, however are less weighted and more permanent. it's not the resolution of 2010, it's the realization of the need for change.
right?
However
if I were to make a resolution of 2010
it would be to drink more water.
Everywhere I go, everything I learn
water seems to be the source for health, happiness and well-being.
Florida tomorrow.
Joyyy!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)